Learning To Live On Your Own

Last time I talked to you one on one, just you and me, solo dolo. It was right before I moved out of my first apartment. It was like three days before I first moved out. And that was the apartment I lived in for about three years in New York. The first one I moved into and I told you all about my move in story.

And if you can recall, it was a pretty treacherous first move. I made a lot of mistakes along the way. A lot of the treacher was a self-inflicted treacher. Like, it was a lot because of me. A lot of it was my own fault, my own doing, out of trying to be super responsible and absolutely fucking up at every which way and every turn. And I moved out. That can only now mean one thing, that I have moved in to a new place. And you might be thinking, Josh, that doesn't look like...

a new apartment in New York City that you said you were moving into. This looks like a hotel and you'll be right because I moved into a hotel. No, I'm just kidding. Sweet of Zach and Cody style. I moved into a hotel room. No, I am in. I wish that would be so sick. Like, can you imagine living in a hotel? I don't know. Would that be fun? I don't think so, because I'm now I've now been in a hotel for about two days. I'm on a work trip in L.A. Spoiler like not a spoiler. I'm on a work trip. I brought you guys with me because I didn't have any time to record.

Before I left so I thought I would have time here, which is like really a crazy thing to do but You're in you're with me. You're in me You're with me in my hotel room in LA And it's not a very nice hotel room. So It looks like a kind of like a dungeon from this angle with the curtains closed This was probably the best spot I could have found to record here. So I'm taking what I can get and

I moved in Thursday. So I'll tell you all about why I moved in so late. I moved in like two weeks after I was supposed to move in maybe a one week, not two weeks. And three days after that, I flew to LA for a work trip that I had committed to or I had to go on because it's a work trip. You can't just like be like, no, actually I don't want to go because I have to move. So I can't go to your work trip. And even though you pay me to do that job, like I'm good. Like you can't just do that. So three days after I moved, I am now in LA.

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for this work trip for a couple days and then I'll go back and continue the move. So I was hoping to record my first episode back after the move from the new place because that would have made a lot of sense. But regardless, we're here, it's happening, and the next one will be from the apartment, probably on the floor, and you'll hear about why shortly. So yeah, again, I was hoping a bunch, a lot of things. I was hoping that this move...

would preferably be treachery free, not treacherous at all. Nothing would go wrong and it would be a lot smoother than the last one. And if you know anything about me at this point, of course it was not. Like it was just, it was not. It was probably the farthest thing from a smooth move. Like I don't know a lot of friends that have had a really like smooth move transition period. Me, I seem to have some of like the craziest, wildest, I don't know why they keep happening to me stories of moves.

And this move wasn't nearly as bad as that first one. Like the first one when I used a company like cross country moving company and picked this mover that I thought was super cheap. I was trying to find the most affordable option, really inexpensive. And I found this mover that apparently held your stuff for up to two months. And I wasn't going to get my stuff in time for the two day move. I was supposed to be starting work on Monday. I showed up on Sunday and it was all fucked. This time.

The apartment wasn't ready. So I moved into a co-op building, which has a lot of a lot more process than it needs to have. Like it has this board, this big fat board that like has to approve you and has to like say, okay, like this guy has committed some crimes, but not like the really bad ones. So like we can approve him and we like him. And I had to write like a description on myself. I had to write like a paragraph being like, hi, I'm Josh. Like, nice to meet you. Hi, I'm Paul. Like I had to write like this whole thing. I had to get

three personal references, three professional references. Who has three professional references? Like, that is a lot. You have to leave every job with really good terms. So I used like a coworker for my last job, my boss who just left. Like I used people that I, I just found like these people that I think would be good references. Personal references, you can't use any family. So I used a friend. I used like my sister's boyfriend. Like I just was like, who can I, what is that? What is all this? So it was a lot of process. And the person, the broker who was supposed to submit

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the file or whatever it is to get the apartment. It's supposed to take 30 days to approve, blah blah Up to 30 days. She said it never takes over 30 days. Like nobody in the history of New York City, this building, it has never taken 30 days. Like it probably would take like two-ish weeks. So about two weeks goes by after I submit these papers. I submit them on like July 1st. I was hoping to be in the apartment by July 31st because my lease ends August 1st. So...

I submitted all the paperwork in just enough time and like plenty of time to have that like two to four week buffer, even if it needed all of four weeks. Never happens in the history of New York, but like even if it needed to be four weeks, like it'd be fine. So about two weeks goes by and I haven't really heard anything. Then I get an email from the place that I submitted to, like the website that I submitted to saying your application has been submitted. And I was like, so I've been approved or I just submitted.

I was like, that can't be good. Like if it just, if it says it just submitted, that can't be a good sign. So I text the broker lady woman who's been helping me super nice, super friendly. Like she's, she was great. She's been great. Nothing, nothing, no bad things to say about her. And she found this podcast. So she's listening as well. Hi. If you're listening, I'm not talking badly about you. I'm thank you for everything you've done for me. I really love the apartment. this part was.

a bit of a human error. she, I texted her, was like, Hey, like, does this mean I'm approved? And she was like, Hey, Josh, can you call me when you have a sec? And I was like, like a simple, yes, you've been approved would suffice. I don't know if we need to do a call. So I pick up the phone and I call her and she's like, hi, Josh, have bad news. And I was like, that's a great way to start my Monday. Thank you. Like, hi to you too. I'm doing well. Thanks. And she's like, so

When the spinning wheel, like the loading wheel was going, I shut my laptop and the application never submitted until today. And I just realized it today. Now, again, like I know there's bigger problems in the world. Like there's a lot happening. This isn't that big of a deal. Like it is just annoying. I understand. this is just personal disclaimer. I am like, okay. So.

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It's like July 14th at this point. And I was like, okay. So will I still be approved in time? And she was like, I think so. Like, I hope so. I don't know. Maybe. And I was like, okay, that's not a good sign. So by the week goes by and I was like, okay, maybe I should text her for an update. And they text her, hi, do you have an update? And she's like, hi, can you call me? And I was like, God, again with the call, like this can't be good. Like, why can't we just text? there's texting was invented for a reason. We don't have to call.

So we call and she's like, so I don't think you will be approved by the day that you move out of your apartment. But I can't say for sure, but maybe you'll be approved. And I was like, okay, so like one to 10, like one to a hundred, what percentage will, am I going to be approved in time? And what percentage do like, I have to go home or like do something else in the meantime.

And I have to get like, you have to move it to storage and then pay for a second move. So you pay for the first move out and then have to pay for a second move after the storage back into the new place. So was like, okay, I need to know all of this. I need to know if I have to do a second move. Like I have to do it. And she was super, super nice and was like, this is my fault completely. Like if you have to do a second move, I'll pay for it. And I was like, that's really generous. Thank you so much. I will absolutely take you up on that. It's super generous, but I will absolutely take you up on that. And thank you so much.

And she was like, you should definitely be in by the Monday after. I moved out that Wednesday. I had a trip with my friends, which is actually kind of perfect timing because I was going home anyway to get my car and then drive to the trip with a couple of friends. And then I'd be back Sunday night and hopefully move in Monday morning. So that Friday, she calls me or texts me and she's like, Hey, Josh, can you call? I was like, okay. Like it's never a good, it's never a good call. So I get on the phone with her and she's like, so it's not looking.

likely that you'll be able to move in on Monday. And then she explains to me the process from the board. And this is the board, this is the board approval process. Are you ready for this? They have to first approve the application, which they did. Then they have to run a credit check on you, which they did at this point that Friday, they ran both things. Then they have to go back to the board with the approved credit check and say the credit is good. They have to then approve you again.

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And then they have to like all sign off on that. Then that can come back to the person that that come back to the broker. Like it's a five step, like litigious, like horrible, insanely long, incredibly like horrendous process. Like for what? Approval, approval, approval, approval. It has to go for like five different hoops and rings. And like, you have to like join the circus to join this building. Like it's really insane. And this is what I've learned for like most co-op buildings.

And it wouldn't have been a problem had we had that 30 day period that it would never been an issue. But because we were trying to rush it in that like two ish week time period. So she was like, I don't think it's going to happen by Monday. So then she's like, I think it can happen by Tuesday, but then you have to get the building to coordinate the elevator. So I have to call the moving company to move the move like four separate times. And I was like, can I let you know by three PM? It was just like, I was on the phone with these people all day. And I also ordered a couch and remember that couch because that couch will come back very shortly.

I also ordered this couch and I really wanted this couch. it was probably my biggest purchase that I got for this new apartment. And it was on sale. Like I was super happy about it. was super excited. And the couch could come that Tuesday. So I had, I had to balance the couch, the building, the elevator, like all this different shit that I had to like the, the movers, like all these people, the broker woman, like I have like five people on the line at a time on Friday. I'm leaving for this trip at 5 PM.

So she tells me like, should definitely move it to Tuesday. And on Monday, like we'll figure out if you can get the approval process for Monday. We have to, I have to know by 12 for the movers. It's just like all this, like it's insane. was just like all this stupid shit. So 12 comes on Monday. I still don't have that final board approval because they saw the credit was good and that final approval. And I'm like, how can they not like look at an email and say like check from

9 a.m. to 5 p.m. But I also let the movers know by 3. So then she's like, I have other bad news. The elevators aren't available in the building until next Tuesday. I was like, are you fucking kidding me? how? How? And I was going to be in L.A. starting on Sunday. So I was like, I'm not even going to be in New York on Tuesday. I can't I can't move in Tuesday. And then she's like, OK, like I can

Josh Felgoise (12:04.526)

Can you arrange somebody to be there Tuesday to accept? I was like, no, no. Is there any chance I can move in like every day? So she called the building. They were like, actually we have this slot from like one to four. I was like, are you just trying to like, round me up at this point? Like, I don't know what we're doing here. So I ended up moving in on Thursday at like 1 PM, whatever. Everything works out great. I'm in the apartment. and that was that like,

It was definitely a timing mishap, like submission mishap. Everything was a mishap. So the apartment's completely empty, beside from my boxes. I don't really have any furniture. Like I didn't bring a lot of the stuff with me because a lot of it was from college. Like I wanted to get new stuff for this new place, blah, blah, So I ordered this couch and the couch delivery says it will be there from 1 30 to 4 30, but the building only accepts deliveries until 3 PM on Saturday.

Now to reschedule the delivery, have to cancel the order and then they can tell you the next available days for the delivery. like, could be like up to two to four weeks after that. So I was like, all right, I'm just going to like risk it. Like, I don't know when I'm going to be back. Like, I don't know when I'm going to be able to receive the package. Like I have to be there for it all, blah, blah. So I'm like, all right, I'm just going to have the couch come and just like hope and pray that it comes before 3 PM.

So I wake up that morning and you can like follow the couch on this delivery app, which is like pretty cool. It's like kind of fun to watch this like little truck go like, like move from like Harlem down to where I am in New York, which is like, it's pretty cool to get to follow that all day. So originally it says 12. So I'm like waiting, I'm waiting. I'm like doing all the tasks. I'm unboxing boxes. I'm just doing everything. And then it says three six. And I was like, fuck. And I go down and I'm like, Hey, like, is it okay if they say, if it comes at this time and they're like no later than four, like it has to be here by four.

for sure or you have to turn it away. So I'm like freaking out about it. I'm following it. I'm like, oh my God, I have to blah, blah, So the app starts updating and the app now says three, like 36. And I'm like, oh shit. Oh fuck. And like they said, they're going to call me if I'm the next stop. Then it says four 16. And I was like, oh no, like, oh no. And you have to pay by the way, if they come and you have to turn it away, like you get like fine. Like I'm just saying fine left and right. So I get a call at three 51 or three 41. They're like, we're on the way. And I was like,

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Oh my God. Thank you. They get there at three 58 with two minutes to spare before this window. I'm like, Oh my God, this is amazing. The couch comes up. Like I was anxious all day about it that I would have to turn it away. Then I have to reschedule it because like once in the truck, like it takes 48 hours to process. It's like, there's all this, like, it's just insane. So it gets there and I jump on it. Cause I'm so excited. I'm like, let's go. I jump on it. Like, Oh shit.

It feels like you are laying on a bay of Hey, bail. Hey bail. It feels like let me rephrase that I Go to jump on I was like so excited waiting all day. I jump on it. my fuck It feels like you're laying on a hay bale like it is the itchiest most uncomfortable Scratchiest like it is so it's hard. It's like

Course, it feels like you're laying on, what's it that you use like scrub pots and pans? What's that called? Steel wool. It feels like you're laying on like hay or steel wool. Tweed, like you ever felt like tweed or like rope? I'm like, my God. I just ordered this huge couch. I all day for it. I was so excited. this is like the, I waited all day. I was super anxious about the delivery time. Like I was freaking out from like 9 a.m. to now.

And this couch got here. First of all, it's way too fucking big. Like it's ginormous and it feels like you're laying on a hay bale. So I call the company and I'm like, hey, like what's the like I have to return this like blah, blah, blah. And they're like, well, if you customized it, you can't return it. And I was like, what? Like, I don't think I customized it. Like, I don't I don't know that. Like, I just clicked. I ordered it like so I on the website and I redo the order as if I'm doing it again.

And I'm like, shit, did I like completely bypass the fact that you can't return this thing? So I'm like Googling solutions for like how to sand your couch or like how to cheese grate your couch and like make this thing more comfortable. Because I'm like, if I'm stuck with this forever, like I got to figure out a solution, like plastic wrap it like those old people do in their furniture with their furniture and like living room with it and the family's coming over. They don't want you to sit on it and ruin it.

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I don't know what the fuck I'm gonna do. Like, I have to like lay blankets on this whole thing. It's also way too big for the space. Like, when you walk in, it takes up the entire apartment. Like, I don't know what I was thinking and why I ordered a couch before I got there. So, quick pro tip, if you're moving, don't order the furniture until you get to the space and measure it like three or four times to know how big your shit is gonna be. Because this thing takes up the entire apartment. So I'm like, fuck, I have to keep this thing forever.

I don't know what I'm going to do. So I call them. I'm like, I'm calling all these different people. I'm like, can I speak to the next person? Finally, I get through to a person and they say, don't worry about it. Like this is returnable. You have, you called at the right time. Like you have 24 to 48 hours, whatever, to return it. so, so I was finally able to return it. But the moment they said to me that you can't return this couch, my heart sank. Now,

Again, I know this is like really first world problems. Like I know this is not that big of a deal at the end of the day. Like I would have just kept this couch and I either cheese grated it or sanded it or laid blankets on it. Like I would have figured it out. I would have done something. This is not that big of a deal. But in the moment, it felt like I had made the biggest mistake because it was really expensive too. Like I was like, I just spent my entire budget on this fucking couch. It doesn't fit in my apartment. It feels like fucking sandpaper. I don't know what I'm going to do.

and I was waiting around all day for like I was super tired, I hadn't slept all the night before, like it just felt like everything was crashing down and I had just talked about how the last move was like so terrible and I was really trying to make this one much better and I was like how could I not have fucking checked the website to see if this thing was returnable? Like how would I buy something that's not returnable? Second tip, don't buy things that are not returnable or non-refundable or non-exchangeable, like make sure that you can exchange, refund, return all the shit you buy because...

I have had to return, I'll have to return this carpet too now. Like I have to return a lot of shit. So just make sure everything you're buying is not final sale or non-refundable, non-exchangeable, non-returnable because my heart fucking sank. Like I was like, there's no way I'm going to be stuck with this thing. And so be it. So luckily I can return it. and everything else went fine. Like I'm in the place. I really like the place. And I want to talk to you also about, I know it sounds like I'm complaining a lot.

Josh Felgoise (19:09.58)

I am, because I'm tired. And it was a long three days of moving and unpacking boxes and sitting on the floor and eating veggie straws. don't know. But I want to talk also about the first couple nights on my own and what that experience was like. And I only have one or two nights on my own so far to...

tell you about because I haven't been there that long and now I'm here alone in a hotel room so guess it's kind of the same experience. not really. It's kind of weird. It is really weird. Like living on your own for the first time. I've thought about how much I'm gonna like it and how excited I am about it and also how much I'm gonna miss my roommates and coming back to them and how excited I am to also take this kind of like next step and I don't know like this next like...

moment in adulthood and be on my own and learn how to live on my own and learn how to keep a place organized and buy things that I like, hopefully, because that hasn't happened yet. And just figure everything out, like learn how to cook better, which I can't do to save my life. And I can cook a mean salmon, can cook eggs, like some there's specific things I can do. I'm selling myself short turkey sandwich. But there's a lot of things that I'm excited about in living on my own.

But the first couple nights, to be honest, were weird. I was walking around and I was like, huh, this is my place. Not that I bought it. I guess it is for a year. I'm like, this is my place. It's really all up to me. What I do with the place, the way I decorate it, what I buy, how I spend my time, how much I reach out to people, how...

how much I get out, how much I stay in, like it really is all up to me. And I think it was a really weird feeling when I kind of settled into that. Like the night, two nights ago, I just like looked out the window and I was like, whoa, like this is my place. Like this is, it's just me. And it's weird. Like it's just a feeling that I haven't felt before.

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An exciting one, nerve wracking one, a little bit of anxiety or anxiousness. but also like a really great feeling that like I, it's, it's all up to me and I'm really excited about what the next year has in store for me. Like after this trip, it will feel weird coming back to my own place and just me. Like, I think it requires a lot more effort when you're on your own.

to reach out to friends and reach out to family and like make sure you're keeping yourself really social. And I am a really social person, like to my core. So I'm not really worried about that for me, but I I'm realizing it more that like it is all up to you. Like the effort you put in with your friendships, the amount you go out of the apartment, the amount you make an effort to invite people over and host things and text people for plans like.

There's nobody else motivating you. It all has to come from you and intrinsically and it has to come from you wanting to do it and also finding the time to balance for just you. I think there's a lot more you there. Not that I think there is so much more you time when it's you alone. Like it has to be. So you have to get used to being on your own too. And I am really good at that. Like I really like being on my own too. You may not think that because I.

I'm so, so, so social and I like talking to people and I like having conversations and I like calling and I'm, I'm always doing something or out or that's how I prefer to be. Like I really like being active and on the go. but I like being on my own and I think that is something that I've come into a lot in the past few years. in the past two ish years, I would say after college, because you don't really have that.

availability or the ability to just spend time on your own and get to know yourself really well and and the things you like to do when you're on your own and how you think about yourself and how you talk to yourself like these are all things that are so much more blown up and on a bigger scale when you're on your own and I'm excited for it like you I've just realized that you have to be pretty good with yourself when you're on your own

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And I am like I feel really good about who I am and what's what's going on and what's what I have going on and I feel really fortunate that I feel really good and like I know not everybody feels that way right now. And I think in order to live on your own like you need to find a good support system of people that you can call when you're feeling lonely or when you're feeling down or you need to have the people that you go to like the places you can go when you need to get out or.

the friends you can call or the family you can text. like, I think it's really important to have those outlets and have those people and have those places outside of this space that you have. And I just think I'm realizing that more, like in a good way. It's just something I've never had to think about before. And I'm excited to have to explore all of that and learn more about myself and spend even more time with myself. And I'm just looking forward to what Living on My Own has in store. I don't have...

Obviously all the words for it yet because I've only spent like one day on my own so far And I've only lived in the apartment for like a day and a half So I wish I had more to say about all of that. I will soon like I'm not going anywhere I'll come back in a couple weeks and fill you in on what the experience is like and what's changed and what's new and what I like and what I don't like and I'll continue to do that because I did that same thing for having roommates and I talked to a few friends that lived on their own and

I asked them for advice and I asked them for tips and what to do and all the tools and now it's my turn to kind of figure that out and give those to you and provide that. And maybe not and maybe just come on here and be like, I don't fucking know yet. And right now I don't yet. But I'm excited to start figuring it out and learning it and figuring out what works and what doesn't and bringing it back to you. I'm excited about that. So I'm looking forward to the next few

Nights on my own, I guess the next year of nights on my own, I will let you know how this couch saga goes. Currently it's in my apartment. So I might actually be podcasting on it the next time I talk to you because it's there and nothing else is there. So it's just that of the floor or my bed. Um, so I think it's going to be that couch and you're going to see it for yourself. So tune in next week for the couch and me and maybe, maybe you to tune back in for me. Um,

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I just had In-N-Out before this, by the way. if I'm sounding a little crazy today, it's because I'm so fucking full. I got a double double cheeseburger with animal style, which means I don't even know what, but I was TikTok told me to get that and animal fries. That was insane. Like it is, it's like 3 p.m. Like what the fuck was I doing? But I had some time off and I was like, my coworker said that she had a meeting to go to and I was like, hey, I have a meeting too. And I Ubered.

to In-N-Out. That was my meeting. And then I came and talked to you for my second meeting of the day. So, yeah, if I'm sounding a little nuts, it's because I'm really over tired and I'm so full and I really have to go to the bathroom. I'm gonna end it there. I'm realizing in this episode that I only gave like two tips, one being.

measure your apartment before you order furniture and I forget what the other one was. So I guess the third tip was kind of like to figure out your support system or the people that you lean on or the people that you can text or call like when you're feeling a little bit lonely or a little bit like off because living on your own is a huge adjustment and especially moving if you're moving out of home or if you're living on your own for the first time in general moving out of home moving out from living with roommates moving out from college like whatever the scenario is to living on your own.

It's a huge adjustment. I'm in it right now. I feel like I haven't adjusted whatsoever because I'm here right now and not even there. So I feel like in the next couple of weeks when I start to settle in and actually really adjust, I'll have a lot more to say. But those are the three things I think to start with the move in and how I'm feeling about the first couple nights on my own. So I hope there was some sort of value in here. Yeah.

That is the episode. Thank you so much. Listen to guys set a guy's guide to what should be talked about. I'm Josh. I'm 25 years old and I'm here every single week, every single Tuesday to talk about what should be talked about for guys in their twenties. If you liked this episode, I really hope you did. Please like subscribe. You have this podcast five stars. Let me review. That's one, two, three, four, five stars, not four. I do two and one. It's five. So I it was really, really, really, really appreciate that. If you have anything to talk about that should be talked about for guys in their twenties, send to my DMs or my email at the guy set T H E G U I S E T on Instagram.

Josh Felgoise (28:24.856)

TikTok, all social media platforms on YouTube at guy guyset. You can also send to my email josh. guyset.com j-o-s-h at guiset.com or head over to website guyset.com and I will be sure to talk about it. Thank you so much. Listen to guyset, a guy's guide to what should be talked about and I will see you guys next Tuesday. See you guys.