How To Spend Time Alone (And Actually Like It)

Josh Felgoise (00:00.206)

Welcome to Guy's Set, the guy's guide to what you should be talking about. I'm Josh, I'm 23 years old, and I'm here to find all the tips, advice, and recommendations for guys in their 20s. Let's get into it.

Josh Felgoise (00:18.018)

Hi guys, welcome back to guys set the guys guide to what should be talked about. Today's episode is all about how to, when to, and the importance of taking time for yourself and learning how to spend time on your own. And I wanted to make this its own episode because I think it's so important that we do this. And I don't think a lot of guys like prioritize finding times for themselves. And I think it's probably one of the most important things we can do at.

this era or this age of our 20s, learning how to be on our own and spend time with ourselves and our own thoughts. And I'll tell you why that is and how to in a second, but I want to start with why I think it's so important that we do that. And it follows the same like line of thinking as the great scattering, which I talked about a few episodes ago from Mel Robbins, who's a podcaster and she

did an episode on like the 10 most important things she wish she knew in her 20s. She wished that she knew in her 20s. And one of them was about this idea of the great scattering and realizing and knowing that everybody is on their own after college. Like from high school to college, we're all on a very similar path. And then after college, we all spread out and we all do our own thing and we all switch what we're, and everybody's just like.

in their own world after college. Like some people are living on their own. Some people are with roommates. Some people have a job. Some people don't have a job. Some people are unemployed, blah, blah. Like everybody is truly, some people are dating. Some people are not. Like everybody is truly on their own path after college. And it's something we haven't had to experience until now. And I'm about like a year and a half, two years. No, I think it's fully two years now out of college. And I still feel that great scattering. And I feel like we're hitting that two year mark where

people's leases are up and people are figuring out what they're gonna do next. it's all, it's a really, it's like, like right after college, you get to this really interesting period where everybody is still kind of figuring it out. Like everyone's figuring it out together. And then in the year after, in the year and a half, in the two years after, everyone starts to figure out a little bit more and make their own decisions and leave jobs and leave apartments and start new leases and start new places. And we're in this period that's coming up that this two year mark is coming.

Josh Felgoise (02:30.114)

that people are gonna now leave their leases or leave their jobs and it's gonna be this really interesting thing that happens again, another great scattering two years after college. I'll probably do a full episode on that. And now that we're hitting this, like if you're my age, you're hitting this time again, that is another great scattering or whether you are after college or still in college, this still pertains to you and this still I think is important if you're, wherever you are in your 20s or even earlier than your 20s.

learning how to take time for yourself because there's so much thought and mental power that it takes and it takes a toll on you when you're thinking about all the changes that are happening in your life and where your friends are at and how you're doing with your job and your relationship status and all these things. I was on a phone with a doctor earlier. I've had like a sore throat recently. wait, this is actually a note. If you have a brita, you should check if it's moldy because I think, well, I

not that I think it's disgusting, but I know that my Brita was moldy. And this is like the most classic guy thing to have never checked my Brita. And I hadn't checked my Brita and it was filled with mold. So I've been drinking moldy water, which is so fucking disgusting. And I'm embarrassed to share that, but it's true. I want to, let me be a cautionary tale for you. Check your Brita if you have a Brita. I threw my whole thing away. I was like, fuck this, goodbye.

And if you haven't changed or checked your filter in a while, it's probably moldy like mine was. So be careful about that. But anyway, so I was scheduling an appointment with a doctor and they were like marital status. And I was like, single. Like, thank you for reminding me, you piece of shit. but again, like we're all in a very interesting period in our lives throughout our whole 20s that it's going to always be some form of great scattering or some form of like figuring out where you're at.

That's why I think it's so important that we figure out how to spend time with ourselves and spend time alone and listen to our thoughts and like figure out how to think better and be on our own. And I think more than ever, like now I've started taking time for myself. Like previously I would go and people talk about it as like a social battery. Personally, I could go for like weeks without having to recharge my social battery, which means

Josh Felgoise (04:46.956)

having to take a day for myself just to like watch TV or watch TikTok and just like rot. And now in the past like maybe half a year, I've needed to take more time for myself because my social battery has been dying quicker. I don't know why that is. guess I'm just maybe getting like mature. getting like burnt out. No, I think it's not mature. It's definitely not mature. But I think it's getting like burnt out from so much social interaction all the time that I need those days where it's, or that I need like those like.

couple hours or a day where it's just me myself like on a walk listening to a podcast watching a movie reading a book like whatever it's whatever it is but like taking that time for myself has become so much more important to me because my battery is dying quicker so I'm needing that time on my own but I don't know if you guys feel this same way or if you are the same way but personally my social battery is dying quicker and that is why I have found ways to make time for myself and I want to like share that with you so the

Waves that I've found that work best for me when I'm taking time for myself and like there's two categories of it. So one is taking time for myself when I'm also doing something else. it's whether it's those things I was just talking about like reading a book, watching a movie, scrolling TikTok, listening to a podcast, listening to an audio book, talking on the phone to somebody. Like those are one way to maybe not talking to someone on the phone. That's actually the opposite of what I'm saying. The rest of it is like.

something on your own, like it's you're taking time for yourself and doing something on your own. But you're also still doing activity. Working out is another amazing example. I'll talk about that in a second. Those things are recharging your social battery because you're taking time on your own and doing those things for yourself. But they're not specifically like spending time with your thoughts and your mind. So there's two separate categories. It's that one and then there's the other one of like not listening to music.

or not listening to a podcast or not listening to an audio book, not saying you shouldn't listen to me, but not listening to an audio book or something like that is bringing more into your head without you like clouding your thoughts. You're not able to think when you're thinking of other things or listening to something else or watching something else. So there's two sides of it. And I'm more now than ever, like maybe in the past couple of weeks now doing this second category. Whereas before I was conflating both of them as they are both taking time for myself and with my thoughts and like figuring out how I'm feeling.

Josh Felgoise (07:06.446)

No, this one is great, but it's not the other one. So ways that I've found to do the second category are to go on a walk without music or without my headphones, which is like crazy to some people and probably, and to me as well, like, but it's taking time for myself without being inundated with something else. And...

Whether that's like meditating or, and I know people like there's a big stigma around meditating. Like the fact of having to find 10 minutes in the day where you can just, or five minutes in the day, even not even 10, like just five on its own is so crazy where we spend like five minutes other places doing so much other bullshit, but taking five minutes for yourself sounds like the craziest thing in the world. Whereas that can help you so much for the rest of the week or the rest of the month and set your mindset right. So,

The best way I found for myself is to take like five minutes and like go on a walk without anything else. And I haven't done it that much, I'm the times that I have done it. It's working great. And then that second category as well. I also put spending time for yourself as like journaling or writing down your thoughts. I've talked about this all the time and I've actually really fallen off of it in the past two weeks. So this is like a mental note for me to get back on it. But the time that I give myself to do that is or the time that I like schedule into my day to do that is at night before I go to bed.

And if I'm super tired or I'm feeling lazy, like I'll just kind of push it off. But I really want to reprioritize that for myself. Cause I really, really, really think taking those five to 10 minutes to like get in tune with your thoughts, which sounds so foo foo and woo woo and like, I'm going to like take time for myself and take five minutes to like get in tune with my thoughts. Like that sounds so stupid when I say it out loud, but truly it has helped me so much, whether it's something going on in the day at work with a friend, with a family member, with, with

whatever it is during the day that's like clouding my mind and sitting like at the forefront of my mental space and the forefront of my head all the time, getting those thoughts out or just being able to think through them and without all the clouded noise and TV and TikTok and all the social media, YouTube, whatever your choice of brain rot is, mine is TikTok. You know that if you've listened. But I think it's so important

Josh Felgoise (09:25.838)

important to have that time for yourself, especially now, like more now than ever, when there's so many thoughts that can easily lead you down a rabbit hole that leads to anxiety and depression and all the things that you really don't want, like taking that time for yourself can really get you out of there and keep you out of there. So, at least for me, I'm not gonna say you, for me, it has kept me out of...

all of the anxiety that builds up. Having the time to get my thoughts out clearly has allowed me to like suppress my anxieties. I guess suppress is not the way works, that sounds bad. But it has allowed me to like get rid of a lot of the anxieties that I've had or a lot of the worries and fears that I've had for the next couple days or weeks or whatever it is that day that's bothering me. And has allowed me to get rid of it and not...

make it into something bigger and something that could be so much worse if I just keep down the rabbit hole of my thoughts. I'm not sure if you're the exact same way as me in the fact that I can pretty much spiral my thoughts into a lot worse and they can get they can get I can think so many things that are not true and almost make them feel true with how much I've thought about them and in a book I read called the subtle art of not giving a fuck it's called the rabbit

or the feedback loop from hell. It's when you're thinking about something and then you're thinking about the fact that you're thinking about something so often and then you're thinking about the fact that you're thinking about the fact of the thing and it makes you feel bad that you're thinking about it and it's it's again and again and again and again and you can't get yourself out of it. So writing that stuff down or taking five minutes and going on a walk for myself like whether it's leaving the office for five minutes if I'm like super overwhelmed in the office I think this is probably my best tip and I meant to say this earlier whether you're sorry that was really fast.

whether you're super overwhelmed in the office and angry about something or annoyed about somebody or whatever it is, taking those five minutes to just step out of the office. I don't know if it's like common practice for you in your place, but I highly recommend it. Just take five minutes to go step outside or like step into the bathroom stall and just be like, huh, like, all right, let me give myself five minutes to just like recharge, like re up my energy, get all my anger out and allow yourself the time to think about.

Josh Felgoise (11:39.95)

So that's that on that. I think I've said enough on that. Also in that one category of working out, I wanna just say that I worked out for the past, I worked out today for the first time in like four days. I wasn't feeling well on Thursday and Friday and then I just took off the rest of the weekend. And getting back into the gym, whatever you do in the gym, I find it so important for me to work out because, not even for physical, like I find it important for mental, like mentally after I work out.

I feel so much better. I feel like this morning, for example, I did it this morning so I can say as this morning, I woke up on like the wrong side of the bed. You know what I'm talking about when you just wake up and you're just annoyed about everything and things aren't going well and just the day is already off to a bad start and it hasn't even started. And then I went to the gym and like after I went to the gym, I remembered how much of a privilege it was to be able to go there and to be able to like

get it out and work out and have my physical ability to do that. And after the days of being sick, like I wasn't that sick, I would just like had like a sinus infection, whatever it was, but the days of being sick that I couldn't or like didn't feel up to going and now feeling like I was back and be able to go again, like felt like a privilege to me that I was able to do that again and get myself back into the mental state that I want to be at and stay at. So I highly recommend the gym if you're like,

struggling mentally or struggling emotionally. I find that is a great outlet for any of that stuff. And I find that after most of my workouts, I can put myself back in the mental state that I want to be at because it reminds me of all the abilities that I have and the fact that I can do that and I may not always be able to do that. And I don't know, just I become very grateful for the fact that I can I have like my physical strength and it feels that I'm not only getting

stronger physically but also mentally when I'm there. So that to me is like an amazing thing that I can do and it works. It feels like a therapy to me when I do that. Even if it's just going for like a long walk that feels the same way to me. So I highly recommend that as well as like that time for yourself. Even if you're listening to music I like I'm not I'm not shaming either of the two buckets of things like the one side is like really time for yourself and the other side is like time for yourself with something else.

Josh Felgoise (14:05.134)

involved like video games or movie or tv or social media or whatever it is when it's just you yourself and and taking that time for yourself but that's not the both are great like both are really good things to be able to do and and spend the time on your own just like recovering and recharging from everything else whether it's work friends going out all the time and you feel just like tired and you need to recharge your social battery

That's great, but I wanted to remind myself and bring it on here that there's the two sides to it. One side really brings me in tune with my thoughts and my emotions and allows me to get rid of all that stuff. And the other side feels like just like a recharge and a recovery and like a re-up of my social battery. So there's both sides to the finding time for yourself. And this is a reminder or like a push to try the one that is harder for you. And I'm assuming that the one that is harder because it's

it's harder for me as well is the one that is like fully on your own with your thoughts and your feelings and writing shit out or thinking about things that are bothering you and trying to work through your emotions and your thoughts on your own and the other side of the relaxing and watching a TV show and binging a show or whatever it is so I wanted to just do this episode to

define the two sides of finding time for yourself. And I hope you understand it and we'll make it a part of your day or week or at least give it a shot and give it a try. And I wanna say like a TV show, like a show that everyone's like, give it like three episodes. It doesn't get good until three episodes. Give the harder, whatever you find harder, give it three days or give it three attempts.

Then decide that it's not for you and then try a different way So if if walking with your thoughts doesn't work try writing out your thoughts if writing out your thoughts doesn't work try Meditating or try like there's a lot of different ways that you can Find time for yourself and and take time for yourself and I think it's really important to find the one that is right for you and learn how to spend time on your own because at the end of the day you are

Josh Felgoise (16:21.014)

left with your own thoughts and your own emotions and your own feelings. And if you don't know how you feel or how you think or how you want to feel and think, then who is? Why not get in touch with them and why not feel like you understand yourself and understand how you're thinking and feeling and are able to improve everything because you understand it. Like you have to find where the starting place is in order to go up. So why not get there yourself?

And I think the ways that I've said or the ways that I brought up in this episode will be helpful and I hope they are. But again, like try them a couple of times. Don't just give up or don't don't think it doesn't work after one or two. You have to give it a couple of episodes or a season or maybe in order to figure out if it works. So that's the episode. If you like this episode, really hope you did. Please like subscribe, leave a review, give this episode five stars. If you're on Spotify or Apple podcasts, I really appreciate it.

Send any questions, anything you want me to talk about anything that should be talked about to my email advice at guyset.com, advice at guyset.com or to my DMs at the guyset, T-H-E-G-U-I-S-E-T and I'll be sure to talk about it. Thank you so much again for listening and I will see you guys next Tuesday. See you guys.