Changing Your Relationship With Drinking with Brian Buzgo

Josh Felgoise (00:00.438)

Welcome to Guy's Set, the guy's guide to what you should be talking about. I'm Josh, I'm 23 years old, and I'm here to find all the tips, advice, and recommendations for guys in their 20s. Let's get into it.

Josh Felgoise (00:18.072)

Hi guys, welcome back to guys set the guys guide to what should be talked about today on the podcast I have my friend Brian buzz go who I met in college and we've been friends ever since and I really wanted to have him on this episode to Bring his perspective on the topic I've talked about this topic of drinking and drinking habits a few times before but never actually in depth or in detail and about

the specific choices we make around our lifestyle and choices around drinking. And I think it's really important to have two perspectives on this topic. You hear my perspective a lot, you know I'm always completely honest with everything I'm doing. Sometimes I sound like a total alcoholic on here. Alcoholic. And I'm so excited to have his perspective on this topic and for him to share his experiences on it and the experience he's had in the past couple months with it and the lifestyle change he's made to decide not to drink.

We're not going to into why he stopped drinking because that's up to him to share with anybody that he wants to share with. But I do want to say if your drinking habits are negatively impacting your day, your week, your life, and you feel like they have a they're having a toll on you and like you're not drinking for the right reasons and your drinking habits have gotten out of control or you're using it as an escape or something or

The reason you're drinking is not the one you want to be drinking for. I highly recommend you seek some help for that or seek a therapist or somebody who specializes in helping people with this topic. I'll put some resources down below in the show notes. But I just want to say to make sure that that you're drinking for the right reasons. And if you're not, think it's important and crucial. And it's really hard at our age to

make this step to do something else, especially when everybody else is doing the same thing. And by making a step in a different direction, you're going against the grain and you're going against the norm and being the odd man out in the scenario by not doing the same thing or by not drinking. But if it's affecting your life negatively, I think it's really important to try and get that under control and make the right steps for you, whether that's therapy or something different.

Josh Felgoise (02:40.194)

There's a lot of different resources out there, but it's a really important topic and it is exactly what this podcast is for. It's a topic that should be talked about for guys in their twenties and it is not, and it needs to be. And I hope that we do this topic justice and if we don't, I'll do it again and I'll try again and again. I'll bring on people, more people and more perspectives to get this one right. Cause I really, really think this is an important topic for guys in their twenties. So without further ado, please welcome my friend, Brian Busco to GuySat.

Josh Felgoise (03:15.794)

Hi, Buzz go. Welcome to guys it hello Josh. Thank you for having me. How you doing doing pretty good, man? Yeah doing pretty good. How's the day been so far? It's been good. I'm in the last couple days of my current job So just been kind of coasting on my way out. You didn't tell me that you were what's the last we talked you were interviewing for a new job and Has you've forgotten to tell me that you got a new job?

And you actually got the job. So I've been waiting to ask because I didn't want to be like, did you get it? And then you'd be like, no, and it'd be super fucking awkward. So I've been waiting and apparently you got it and everyone else knew. So that's great. It was not an intentional like admission of not of not telling you. But yeah, that's that's very fair. Like you don't want to be asking somebody like how to go. That's like the one that's something you can't really talk about. seems like no, you can't. And then you just got to wait for them to say something. And I just didn't say anything. No, right. But like low key, everyone's kind of like it.

Did he get the job at least I was in my head. I was like, did you get enough and then after like two weeks I was like, fuck you got rejected. You didn't get it. Yeah, and then I hear that you're you texting our group chat You're like, yeah, I have like four days left. So I'm like kind of coasting right now and I was like, Okay, so you got it Yeah, it was weird how I ended up getting it because it was like a couple weeks after I'd initially interviewed that I got the call saying that I had gotten it and the offer wasn't really exactly what I was looking for. So I I was like, okay, well, I'm more so looking for

X, and Z, but I was like, okay, I'm probably not going to get it. But then they came back and they said like, we really want you, we're gonna match what you're asking for. I was really shocked and just really excited. I was like, you know what, yeah, let's do it. How did that negotiation process work for you? So I worked with a recruiter who reached out to me on LinkedIn and

she reached out saying like, Hey, there's an advertising company that's looking for a financial analyst, with your background in audit. so I was, I was like, mean, you know, like worst case scenario, I get some reps in for like interviewing about transitioning to more of a finance role because audit has been really great for my development, but I don't think it's something that I wanted to be doing long-term, right? Just the hours are. What is that? What has that been like?

Josh Felgoise (05:36.098)

What's what been like the audit like job life for I mean you've worked there for what now two years Yeah, about a year and a half. Okay. Yeah about a year and a half. I Mean working an audit at one of the big four is definitely a flex No good call out it's it's definitely not the easiest thing but I you sound great by the way

Oh, thanks. I've been working on my broadcasting voice. Maybe I can take over for John Sterling. Yeah, it's it's just not sustainable. Like they work you like six thirty minimum is kind of like the expectation, at least for the team that I was on. What's six thirty? Six thirty p.m. Oh, it's like when you're you know, it's like you're working till then. And then a lot of my team members who were more senior to me would be like going home, eating dinner, getting back on to do like a couple of hours and then

Do it all again. just I like maybe two episodes ago I was talking about I don't want to do that for long term. So I'm glad I got out. No two episodes ago I was talking about hours of jobs and like this new job for me. I don't have like a scheduled nine to five. It's like answer when you're asked to and like respond to slacks kind of all the time. And that's so new for me. My last job was like kind of get on it like nine ish and get off at five ish maybe like a little earlier.

And that was like, it was breezy, but now this is not. So I feel that now more than I did before. And I realized that all of a lot of more of my friends like you had jobs that are like till six 30 or till like whatever the fuck. Yeah. Yeah. Right at the gate. And at first I tried to, you know, make it as much of a cutoff as I possibly could. Like, you know, like I go home and that's it. But then I found myself over time. Like I'd be looking at things on Saturday and on Sunday and like I can get this done now. So I might as well just do it. Right. But

you then you kind of miss out on other things that are going on. Do you feel like burnt out right now from that job or how do you, how do you feel? Like what's your mindset, headspace around it? I mean, I don't feel, I feel pretty good about it. I was just about to start, the busy season for, you know, the audit of the, client that I'm on. and that would have been about like six weeks of like, you know,

Josh Felgoise (08:00.354)

That's typically like, you know, 80 hour work weeks at that point. And that's what I was just going into. So the timing was really, really good and really bad, really good. I don't have to do that, but really bad because, you know, I had to leave at a time when, you know, people were expecting me to be doing all that work. They had to kind of scramble to get somebody new, which they found somebody new quickly. I happy about that. So they were able to transition my work off to them quickly.

I don't feel as burnt out as I would have if I had just gotten off of that. Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. What was the experience like? The last time I talked about jobs, leaving jobs to transition was for me, like my own in December time. So what was that experience like and like telling your team that you're going to leave and how did that go and how did you do it? Right. So a lot of questions in one. Sorry. Yeah. So these big firms, understand that a lot of people leave.

Like within, it's like within the first two years people leave within, you know, once, once people, once you pull go two years, five to six years, and then, you know, like seven or eight years, that's usually when people end up leaving. Okay. So I left at kind of that first off ramp. So they're very used to people leaving. mean, the, team turnover on my client in particular was a good couple people before me. Okay. So it's not something that.

Very shocking to people right? So But I still didn't know how they would take it So the first thing I did was I like pinged moving of my hands like a bit lower because every P is like very I'm really I'm really emphasizing. Okay. Yeah, go around here a little higher There there. Okay, let's hear it. Let's keep you can go keep going that I'll adjust you'll adjust the Mic stand. Yeah, could use one of those stands. They have one stay. I know that's what

I had the CEO of Barstool, I didn't mean to flex it like that. But she was also like, oh, have to hold this the whole time. was like, fuck, yeah, sorry. Where's my mic stand? I'm so sorry. The CEO of Barstool and you're bringing out the rock band mics? Come on, man. You gotta roll out the red carpet a little bit. This is the first time I've used these since. Oh, the dual mics. Yeah. So I'm talking into the Barstool CEO mic.

Josh Felgoise (10:24.366)

Could be could be this one. I don't know. I didn't market. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Go ahead. But so I just talked to the I reach out to the partner and said like can we talk privately and just said I just you know, I didn't really want to beat around the bush. I just said like I've accepted an offer another firm. Thank you for this opportunity. I really enjoyed working with you, but I'm just not very happy here and I think I'd be happier there. And I think that the opportunity there is better than what I have here. And she was

a little shocked and me and her had a really good relationship. So it was tough to tell her that. Um, but then once I told her, I just one by one kind of privately talked to every member of the team and there's like 10 people on this team. It's a lot of this client. So once I said to her, to the, to the partner, then I told everybody else, it was just, you know, it kind of smooth sailing from there, but you know, it went pretty well. It's just a lot of like having to

have that same conversation again and again and develop like a script basically at the end of the day it's like yeah you say the same thing to every single person and they all react very similarly they're sad to see you go like want to stay in touch and it's it's I mean now now that I'm are there other people there that you want to keep in touch with yeah definitely definitely a couple people I want to keep in touch with for sure yeah and you know like there's like one or two guys on my team that like

I'd like to play golf with at some point. I like we tried like when I told them I said that like trying to make future plans. But yeah, definitely want to see a couple of them. I think from like now being four months out from that experience, it's all about the effort you put in because like now it's an added group of people you have to add like to see in your life or you want to make an effort to see. So it's not just the college friends or the home friends. It's like you have an added layer of you want to squeeze these people into and it's all about effort. So I think if you want to do it, you can easily do it.

or not easily, but you can make the time to see them. But yeah, anything else that you would like give advice or anything for somebody that is considering leaving a job or joining a new job, looking for a job right now? Because we're at this period. I also talked about this an episode ago. This like two year mark where I think a lot of people are going to start switching their jobs similar to what you're saying. So what advice do you have for somebody out there that's in a similar position to you? So I think one thing that comes to mind that I kind of struggled with was

Josh Felgoise (12:46.048)

If I had stayed at EY for a good couple more months, I had been talking to like my counselor and knew that I was going to be getting a new title and like a promotion. And with that comes new responsibility, better salary. And with that better potential at other companies that I could be going to. So I was thinking like, okay, well, should I hold out and get that promotion and get that new job so I can try to

parlay that into a better opportunity for myself later. But upon looking at that further and really thinking like what do I really want to do, it's like I kind of came to the conclusion like I should probably focus more so not on what's the best, what's the exact best move for my career and more so on what I think is gonna be right. And what I think- for you right now. Right, best for me right now, what I think is gonna be right for me and-

you know, like what I'm going to ultimately be happy in doing. And I was like, okay, like I could just suffer through the next six months. It's like, but what's that doing for me? Really? It's like, like, you know, all things taken away. Maybe it would have been a better idea to get that and then go somewhere else. But I think I'm very happy with the decision that I've made. Great. I just making sure that you are weighing all the different options that you have and not focusing too much on

You know, like, what's the best move? It's like, what's move that makes you happy? Yeah, I love that. Thank you. That's great. And I think somebody in that position right now, especially now because we're hitting this time where people are shifting into new jobs. And I think the time that I left is not a usual. mean, people leave at all times, but I left in like December and that's not a usual time. I feel like the June. What's it right now? April. So like the May, June time into like, I guess these next couple of months are the times that people consider leaving jobs.

So yeah, thank you for sharing that appreciate it course man a few more things I want to ask you before we get into the actual topic of the episode just about like how I like to ask anybody that's like in the 20s right now because I only give my perspective on here and I like to give I like to have like a Plethora I don't like that word, that's a great word You shouldn't avoid it. I won't I just like a variety of perspectives on here from guys in their 20s because that's the whole point of this

Josh Felgoise (15:12.686)

so I want to ask you how the transition from, I'm going to ask you how the transition from life in college to after college has been for you. Yeah. So definitely a big jump for sure. the freedom that you have in college and the amount of, the amount of work that you think is a lot, it just really isn't like when you, when you actually get into the working world and especially the transition that I made, it really was a huge jump because it was like, not only am I now working

you know, at least 40 hours a week, but it's like, I'm expected to be available more than that. Right. It's like a hundred percent. Yeah. Like, you know, in college, you there could be like three solid days every week where you don't have to do anything at all. For sure. And it's not more days if not for like, it's if you don't have anything going on, like there might be a lot of time where you just have a lot of downtime. Yeah. And then, you know, exams come around, you study for them, yada yada. But like to have this consistent routine that you must maintain, that was something that took me a while to

figure out. Like I still, you know, there's still times where I'm not the strictest with like, you know, getting good sleep and all that, but that's something that I've really prioritized recently and it's hugely beneficial for me. And I don't think I'd be able to, you know, take the first part of the CPA like I did, get the new job that I did without making a lot of different decisions for my health and like really focusing on developing a routine that's going to set me up good for the next day, not just focusing on what's fun tonight. Right.

You know, so that's a big transition for what does that routine look like for you and how many hours of sleep you getting a night because that is something I'm struggling with like really terribly. And I was just sick like all last week. And I mean, I went to urgent care and I don't like trust them that much. the guy was like, what are you doing? I don't know. I went to a real doctor after. But the guy was a real doctor. Yeah. what are you saying about urgent care? They're not real doctors. And the guy was like, if you're not proud to sleep, like when you get sick, it's so much easier. It's it's easier for it to get worse. And get like, yeah, virus gets actually worse.

Oh, yeah, big fuck. need to actually prioritize that. Yes. So what is that? What does that look like for you? Usually important. I know and I don't I don't give it that I need to. So go ahead. So I am currently in the process of taking the CPA exams and for the first three months of this year, like January through March, I would go to bed around 10, latest 1030.

Josh Felgoise (17:39.106)

Get the phone out of there. Don't look at your phone when you're going to sleep. It's awful. So so bad. It just it just messes with your sleep completely. I've noticed I've noticed an actual difference really between having like if you look at your phone when you're falling asleep versus when you're not looking at your phone at all and you just go to sleep and like read a book or something you your sleep is way better. Really. It just a hundred percent is. And you're you actually notice that or feel that. Yes. I think I feel the same way by the

Definitely and I've you know, I've tried both, you know for a long time there I was falling asleep like just watching YouTube videos or like doing random Scrolling on whatever. Yeah, if you if you just get that don't look at it like you're gonna sleep so much better Okay, that's advice. So What I would do is go to bed 10 to 1030 Wake up around 630 same Ideally ideally like 6 to 6 30 is when I wake up

If the sun's up, go on my roof, look at the sun. Don't look directly at it, but look towards it. You want to get some sunlight in your eyes. It really helps. It helps with your circadian rhythm and getting your body set to start the day because your body recognizes, that's the sun. The day has started. I should start waking up. You should start dropping those quarters all levels and start actually getting more awake. So do that.

I've been doing cold showers for like six months. I also have been doing that. Yeah every every morning cold shower Super help right and doesn't feel so good. It wakes me up and it genuinely feels good Yeah, it it it sucks when you get in. Yeah, but every time afterwards you feel a lot better. It's a good jolt It's like a shock right energy like your day is not gonna get worse than that. No, so it's it's a really It's a really good way to wake up. Yeah, so that and then I try to get I try to just get everything ready Leave the house

Um, and get started studying, get in two hours of studying and then start my work day. Um, around nine 30 is when I would start the work day because that's when we have like our, our morning meeting of like talking about what we did yesterday, what we're planning on doing today. This routine is going to have to change because of the new job. I don't know exactly what the structure is going to be. I might have to move that up a little bit, but then go through the day prior around six 37 be done. Um,

Josh Felgoise (20:03.214)

with work and then if it's if it was Monday, Wednesday or Friday, I would go to the gym and then if it was Tuesday or Thursday, I would do some additional studying like an hour, hour and a half in the afternoon and at night and then right to bed. 10, 1030 and just do it again. How did you not like genuinely how did you not feel like burnt out from that? Like the morning routine sounds great and I'm.

obsessed and love hearing about people's morning routines because I think I think it's a night routine and a morning routine are the best ways to like actually improve your life if you're looking for ways to do it. Yes. There's other ways to but one of the best ways to do that. But how did you go to work then study and then like mentally stay OK through all of that. That's so much pressure and stuff going on all at the same time. Like there's days when I get home from work and I'm like like I'm just exhausted from the day. So how did you feel during that.

Right. This might not be a good answer or like an answer that is usable, but I really just had such a strong drive to do this. I just, that's usable. just felt you need to genuinely want to do whatever it is you're doing. Yeah, I completely agree. How easy is it to wake up in the morning? We're going to do something fun that day. You need to be up early for it versus waking up early and going to work. You're still waking up in the same time. It's just what, like what's your driver? Like what do you really want to do?

And I really wanted to pass the exam and I really want to do better at my job. Yeah And that was just you pass. I don't know yet. I won't know until June I'll update you guys if you passed or not. I won't tell you. Okay

Fair enough. Tell me once you told everybody else. Right. Yeah, a couple weeks later. Yep. Yep. But I feel very confident about it. I spent so much time like an absurd amount of time and I was. Yeah, I was just like I was obsessed with it. Like really. And that's just kind of been my personality for a long time. It's like I'm either 100 percent on something or I'm zero. And you follow Zach Pogrob. You don't have Instagram. No, don't have Instagram. He's like does all this stuff on obsession. I you'd like him. I'll show you some of stuff from my own Instagram because you don't have.

Josh Felgoise (22:17.882)

Yeah, sure. I'll show you after this. But yeah, I think that sounds amazing. it's helpful to hear like a routine and a time and like actual steps in your day for somebody who's looking to make a change or looking to change something and improve their life a little bit, whether they take away like a cold shower or going to bed a little earlier, something like that, or reading without or going to bed without your phone. Like that type of stuff is can drastically improve your life. And I think it's it's great to hear that.

And how has your living situation been? What? Just like with, with the roommates? Yeah. Like how's like from college to post-college, not like about the people you live with, but about- Oh, I could talk about, oh, I got, I got problems. We also, he also, he lives with our other friends. Um, but yeah, living situation has been great. It's been nice to, you know, be living with, you know, some, you know, some of my best friends, uh, and for all of us to be in the same area. It's been really, really great to transition in that way because you have so many people that you're familiar with.

and you're used to seeing and you know, there's never any, there's never any problem. like you don't have to worry about, you know, a lot of people move to a new city and have to find random roommates. have that problem. Which is very lucky. Like really, really lucky. no, living situation has been great. It's been awesome to, you know, like I said, just be with the same, the same guys that we've been friends with for so long, but it's yeah, it's been, you know, we're running it back for another year. Are you? Yeah.

Yeah, and that is my next question is like are you guys gonna renew because that's yeah similar to the job switch and all that stuff this is the time that people either have to renew their lease or figure something out different and It's gonna be different for everybody of our friends and it's good to hear you guys are continuing It's just easy that way like yeah anything else you want to add like just about like Lifestyle wise or like the transition from college to after college for somebody that's

Currently going through that or we'll go through that soon that you want to give before we go into the topic of the episode. I know we're like already 20 minutes in but this has been great so far so don't worry.

Josh Felgoise (24:22.37)

Moisturize Do you moisturize absolutely what brand I don't know it's okay. It's it's like wait. No, it's Sarah V With 30 SPF. Okay sunscreen too. Yeah, You don't want the Sun do you at night in the morning? I forget every time at night, but I try to at night every morning. Yes Do you also wash your face or just moisturize right after the shower? I just

So far I've got this like I serum I put on really put on yeah, dude. Are you being serious right now? I'm not I'm not kidding. Yeah, I got it. I don't know if I believe you It sounds very I literally don't believe you so yeah, I got like this like under eye thing that I put on How did you find that? It's it's tige Hanley. No, I don't care about the name. Like how did you decide to do that? I just want my skin to look better. But like what drove you to get an ice?

busy season last year was so bad. My face looked horrible. I looked like I was melting. I looked like a haunted man. I would like catch a reflection of myself in the subway, like off the window. I'd be like, whoa. Who is this ghoul staring I'm gonna overlay this clip, this part with a picture of you from that time. Dude, it's bad. You don't wanna see that. I had a big...

huge beard like do a picture of this I don't have maybe we were friends then I was with you so I we were friends no I didn't see anybody during that time I was like how long off the grid it was like six weeks my god six weeks yeah how did you deal with that was that like a horrible depressive horrible yes that's it there was there was no dealing with it just sucked okay it was just like every day just terrible but now you're moving into a better job yes exactly is amazing right before that time would happen again

Okay, so you right that's great and you're see you talked about like a couple minutes ago like maybe you should have stuck with it No, you shouldn't have because that would have so yeah exactly. I was like, okay, I'm just gonna be miserable again Yeah for like five weeks. That's what am I doing horrible? Like for what literally no literally for what? there's no way to live. Yeah. All right So let's get into the like actual topic of the episode. Well, I mean it's all a topic. So You know, what is a top?

Josh Felgoise (26:42.038)

That's a great question, but I want it I wanted you to Hey, wanted you I wanted to bring you on here because I really wanted to break into the topic of like drinking and drinking habits and it's a something I've talked about on here a bunch randomly just like happy hours and drinking with friends and the fact that drinking is like the center of our social life and is the center of most people in their 20s social life and

Like when you're going on a date, it's let's grab drinks. If you're going with friends, it's let's grab drinks or let's meet up. Let's go to a bar or let's go out tonight. And out tonight is usually around surrounded by drinks and drinking. And if you're at a bar not holding a drink, it's it's a whole thing. So you could do a lot of a lot of things that people do is like, let's do X and drink. Right. It's pretty much everything. It's pretty much everything. And especially now. yeah. Big time. Early 20s.

throughout all of our 20s. And this is exactly a topic that should be talked about for guys in their 20s, as I say all the time. So I wanted to have two perspectives on here, of you and me, because I'm always talking about it and I want to have yours as well, because I know you've recently stopped drinking. And we don't have to get into the topic of why or the reason why, because that I don't think is that relevant. I more want to get into what it's been like.

Transitioning to that and how your life has changed past that. Yeah, sure So as of the 11th of this month, it's been five months Wow Congrats. Thank you so yeah five months and some change now and So I I think a big thing that I've been able to do that I'm happy about is I've never really needed to drink to go out and to like have fun like even even in college when there were parties

there'd be times when I wouldn't drink and would still go out and I'd still have a really good time. Yeah. and I think, I think what it came down to was I was really sick of the way I felt on the weekends. I was really sick of, you know, just waking up like, you know, like one or two in the afternoon, like, cause I was out really late that night before having fun, you know, like nothing wrong with that. Yeah. Just the whole week I felt like I was playing catch up.

Josh Felgoise (29:02.542)

And I felt like I'm not going to be able to pass the CPA if I don't stop going out on the weekends. Not stop going out, but stop drinking on the weekends. And there's going be a lot of things in my life that I'm not going be able to do if I don't stop drinking on the weekends. like I said, even a couple drinks, your sleep is destroyed. 100%. Every time. You're out late. That's bad enough.

Drinking when you're out late, that's even worse. then you walk in Monday, you're like, man, why do I feel so bad? I got a good night's sleep last night. No, you didn't. Your body's still fighting off your late Saturday night. Yeah. Even though it's been a whole day. Totally. So that was a big thing. But the transition, think it's been, I've been able to do it well. People ask why, of course. They're curious why I stopped.

They're kind of confused. Like I feel like the main reactions that I've gotten have been confusion and like disbelief in the beginning. But now, 100 percent. But now it's not so much that it's like, oh, oh, he's he's being for real. He's not actually going to do this. He's actually not going to not going to be cracking beers. Right. But and of course, people make jokes, which I welcome. Like I want that to happen because, you know, you should joke about everything. I don't think anything should be off limits.

So it's like you should have fun with it. So that's not been an issue at all. But I think the biggest key to it is just to not, when you're going out, just not think about it. Just have fun. Like just enjoy what you're doing and grab a soda or whatever. most of the time people don't ask. And when they do, you build it up in your head like, oh my God, they're going to ask me why I'm not drinking. And then I got to talk to them for all this time about why I'm not.

It's really not that big of a deal. it's not very quickly. It's like satisfied by just being like, I just don't really want to. I'm just I'm just not doing that anymore. And it usually ends there. And then you go back to having fun and going on your night out. And it's never been an issue for me, like going out to bars or going where anybody else is drinking. I just like I said earlier, like 100 percent or nothing. And I've made the decision decision now. Totally. It's just not something I want to do. Did you?

Josh Felgoise (31:29.378)

Go completely cold turkey like one day you were just like I I'm done. Yep. And it and it was okay. Like you felt fine with it. Yep. That's great. Yep. I know that's not very typical. No that's that's really not the case for a lot of people. Right. I'm like very very impressed about that. It's it's just it's just how I am. It's it's it's interesting how that happens sometimes. It's like because I always kind of like I entertain the idea like I did sober January.

a year ago and that was really good and I really enjoyed it but I could tell like this is not something I'm going to be able to do long term. But then I just woke up one morning it was like late in the afternoon on Sunday and just felt terrible like because I was out like really late it was like four and having a good time. Yeah. You know. Yeah. Yeah. Having a good time. But then I wake up and I'm like my God like this whole now this whole day is shot right the whole Sunday it's gone because even though like OK now it's the afternoon and I woke up.

can't do anything now, because I'm hungover and I feel terrible. I was kind of looked in the mirror and I'm like, I'm done. Like that's it. I don't want to do this anymore. And there might be, you know, maybe years down the road I might have a drink, but I don't see that for me for the future. Yeah, and I think it's, first of all, like I commend you for making a decision that like,

you knew or thought would improve your life and sticking with it and it has improved your life it sounds like and it looks tremendously and I know that from talking to you otherwise as well beside this podcast but I like think it's a it's a a again as you said it's not a big of a deal but it seems like a big deal you know like because it's the center of our social life yes so it's it's not it's really not like it and and when you decide that something is better for you and you make a decision

and it's against the norm and it's against the grain of like what everybody else is doing. The initial reaction, which is why I wanted to ask you about that, is like usually like, okay, ha ha, like cool, good one, like very funny. And I reacted, I remember when you said it the first time, I was like, okay, like, uh-uh, blah, blah, blah. And we were all like, okay, like have a drink, you know? We'll see you in a week. Yeah. We'll see you in a week. You're gonna be singing karaoke. Which is horrible. It's a terrible reaction. Which is a horrible reaction. Like I...

Josh Felgoise (33:48.558)

I remember when I realized you were taking it serious. I was like, what a fucking shit. No, it's it's honestly I was expecting that reaction and it didn't dishearten me at all. I know it was not it was and it wasn't it wasn't malicious intent. Totally just that's how you react. That's how I would react. Yeah, it doesn't make sense. Why are you doing this? And I remember coming up to you.

I at a bar another time that I probably was probably drunk still, but I was like, am so sorry. You're like, I'm so sorry. For the way I reacted because I was like, I know everybody reacted that way, but I'm having like, I know that was wrong. Like I was like, I'm so sorry because this is something you are prioritizing it taking seriously and like, sorry. Like that was terrible. I've had a couple of those, like people like coming up to me at a bar or just coming up to me in general. Usually they're drunk when they say it. I think I was. They're like, dude.

I'm sorry I reacted or like it's just so good what you're doing. I just can't do that Yes, you can like if you just want to do it you can do it I'm not saying you do it right, but if you want to it's not really that hard No, and for me for me, that's that's a lot of people struggle with it right right right I emphasize that I always

I preface so much of the stuff I say in here. I'm always like for me, for me. And it's coming from me and it's coming from you. So like everybody should know that this is two perspectives. This is only two perspectives. And there's a lot of other ones. And yes, there's many. I always feel the need to say that like for me and not try and knock it like canceled. But again, it's not like it's two perspectives. And that's the whole point. So thank you for sharing all that. it's again, it's like it's not that big of a deal, but it's a big step to take when it's the center of the social life. So it's a bit.

probably felt like a bigger deal at first month than it does now, right? Like probably with time it's gotten easier. I don't know if that's true or not. I'd say only because people know this is what I'm doing now, right? That it's gotten easier and now it's no longer really something that we talk about. but in terms of my, you know, just sobriety, like my sobriety in general, it's, it's, it's been consistently pretty

Josh Felgoise (36:01.102)

Pretty smooth sailing, luckily. Yeah, luckily. There's been a couple of times when, you know, it's like something, something will happen that, you know, is unfortunate or something that, you know, that happens in my life or like your thought for a second is like, man, like a nice drink would be, would be good. But then that's pretty quickly dispelled by, you follow that, right? You're like, where does that lead? It's like, bad sleep. I'm not going to be studying as much as like

I will be anymore. Like I'm not going to be, you know, as focused as I want to be. And then when you follow that road, you don't really like where it goes. And then you're like, okay, well, I don't, I don't need to take, I don't need to drink. Right. And I think the reason you drink is so imperative and so important. Like, yes, if, if you're drinking and it's social and it's, and you're, and you're okay knowing that your next day is going to be destroyed and you're going to be out late and their sleeps gonna be shitty. Like

And that's the reason and you go into that night knowing you're drinking because and usually a lot of people drink for like social awkwardness, right? Like that's it. It smooths out how you feel when you go out and you don't have to feel like everybody's looking at you and all the shit that you and you can interact with girls better and like all this stuff that are the reasons people still bad at that hasn't helped. Yeah. Not worse, but still bad. We'll talk about that a second. We'll talk about that later. Yeah. We'll talk about it later. Well, in like four minutes. But

The I think it's really important that the the reason like you know the reason you're drinking and and and if that reason is Bringing you or if the reason is I don't know the right words like do know what I'm trying to say or no if I mean Are you trying to say like if the reason is you're drinking to drink? As opposed to drinking to you know, go out and have fun with your friends Yeah, or like very different things drinking to have fun with your friends versus drinking for

to like suppress something or to get rid of an emotion or an anxiety or something in your life that's like you just said, like there's something that's bringing you down that you're like, I could use a drink and that may not be the right reason. So I'm just trying to say that the reason you're drinking is really important and everybody should know that, you know? Does that make sense? Yeah, that makes sense. Okay, I hope so. So how has, you mentioned it in a second, but like how has going out,

Josh Felgoise (38:18.286)

been for you? it changed drastically? do you have less drive to want to go out or has it been because I know you've been coming out with us and it's been pretty normal but how's that been? The drive is I mean pretty much the same honestly I like it better now. Really? Because I'm crystal clear on how the night went and I know you know because sometimes sometimes you go out and drink and you're like I don't remember that conversation but I think I think I had a good conversation with somebody I forget exactly what we talked about but now I'm able to I know exactly what happened.

Right. Pretty much. And I know blurriness, right? Right. Exactly. There's no there's no lapse in my in like what and what what's happened. So, yeah, I haven't had any problem at all going out, probably the same or even more than what I did before. Have there been any challenges or difficulties to going out? Not not anything, not anything that I can note. No, that's great. Yeah. So good to No issue.

Um, I've, I've liked it better, honestly, because I feel like you think when you drink, you're more, you're less inhibited, right? Like can just do whatever, say whatever. But I know a lot of people, this wasn't really something that really rung true with me, but a lot of people talk about anxiety. I have, I have talked about the next day. They're like, oh my God, like, I can't believe I think I did that. You know, going into your night, you're not going to have that. Right. And you know, everyone around you has been drinking. So they're.

a little inhibited. Right. So you really have more freedom than ever. Totally. You can say you can you know you can say the same crazy stuff you would have when you were drunk. Yeah. And you know it and you don't feel that you know. Yeah. Did you have anxiety before when you were drinking. Not really. No. Because I'm the opposite of you. I I. Because I always I was always like you know we're all drinking you know. I don't really. I don't think that's really going to.

really care or remember. No, they never do. They never do. You always drive yourself in circles thinking that they do. Yes. I've heard a lot of people say that. But when you're not drinking, you go out. You don't have that at all. Which is amazing plus to it. Like a huge one. And you wake up and you can hassle your friends and be like, oh, you try and get bagels. They're like, dude, it's like nine a.m. They're not even up. They're not even saying anything at that point. They're not up until 11 or 12. Yeah. know, I do more Sunday morning now than I would have all day.

Josh Felgoise (40:39.822)

Previously totally it's like I'm able to go out take a walk. Yeah, I go I you know if it was when I was studying I would study all day I get like eight hours in right and then and then it's like and then it's like early afternoon And I'm still I still got I got a lot more I can do no There's there's really it's been a lot of good benefits, but I can see why people don't want to But why drinking is such a big part of our society? Yeah, and I mean I think the the pluses and the benefits one of the questions I had for you is benefits we can just go into that but like the benefits

I'm sure have been like twofold. Is that the right word? If it's dub. I'm sure I've been really amazing. so and hearing the way you talk and like I feel like you even look like you said like you're like you looked gross and like ghoulie not gross. Sorry that didn't mean to add that. No it's true. Like ghoulie when you were in that like tax season and I feel like you look better and like present yourself better and feel better.

So there's a ton of pluses. What are the other like upsides to it? You've said a lot of them. So if there's nothing else like. Just consistent better energy, you're able to maintain a consistent good level of energy, especially if you combine it with other things like good sleep, exercise, all the things that everyone talks about. Like everyone knows what they need to do to be healthy. They just don't do it. 100 percent. It's very simple. Like it's not that hard. Eat a fucking piece of broccoli.

Like it's really not that drink some water drink some water dude, like, you know, yeah No, but I mean what if you you you feel a lot better you wake up and you're and you just Are alert and you're ready to go and you don't want to stay in bed because you're like man I got a whole day ahead of me. got shit I got to do right and shit you can do I want to do yeah exactly. and you know, it's There's the benefits are everything you would expect

So how has dating been for you not drinking because that was one of the things I said I was like when you go for a date or you go for a hinge date it's like let's grab a drink right so and last night I went on a first date and it was the again not to flinch How'd that go? was really good actually. Yeah it was great. But uh. do? have for a drink? I'm not gonna talk okay. You're not gonna talk about it? If you want if you don't wanna talk about it. No I talk about everything on here. Talk about everything? But

Josh Felgoise (43:01.976)

The dating ones have gotten me in so much shit, so I avoid all the dating ones until... Avoid it, yeah. Save it for when you're married. Okay. Well, I'll bring it up soon. And then talk about it. I'll probably talk about it like next week again. no, I won't. Yeah, you will. The date went great. But I had strep throat, I'm not contagious anymore, but last week...

And I got to the note. I'm leaning away, but I got to the audio listeners. I'm leaning away, which is most everybody. Like there's like four people on YouTube. yeah. It's great. It's big, it's a growing audience. Nice. What's three last month? but we got to the bar and I was like, Hey, would you rather, would you mind just like going to grab ice cream? And we left and went and got gelato. The plan was to grab a drink and then you, you, you pivoted to ice cream. Yeah. Huh? Like right when we got there, because I realized I probably shouldn't be drinking on an antibiotic. Right.

So I was like, can we, do you mind if we don't? And let's go just like grab gelato. And it was an amazing first date of just like. I'm sure. And that's probably one of the first dates I've been on that hasn't been around drinking. Right. So what has the dating life been for you now that I've talked about? I asked you the question and told my whole story, is. No, it's a good story. Thank you. It's good to hear. I think I'm not the best person to ask because dating has not really been my main focus for these past couple of months. Yeah. While I.

while I had been sober. But I have been on a couple dates with a girl that I met through a mutual friend. it was the things that we did where we went and grabbed coffee on a weekend. And that's a very good thing to do for, you know, if you're not drinking or if you don't plan on drinking. And it's a really great way to get to know somebody because there's no

There's no alcohol barrier. Like, I feel like it's weird that our first instinct is to grab drinks with somebody on a first date. It's like, this is when you're trying to suss out if this person is worth talking to more. Right. And you are inhibiting your ability to understand what this person's about. It's so fucking true. It's like, why are you doing this? It's like, you should go out and grab drinks.

Josh Felgoise (45:19.148)

You know in in my head in a perfect world, you should go out and grab drinks It's like a fourth or a fifth date Yeah, maybe because then you're like comfortable with each other and it's like you're just going out and having fun Because you know who this person is you're like, alright, this person's worth talking to more, right? You know, but that's obviously not what people do No, I think a layer to that is what I said before is like people drink for anxiety purposes or for it to get to Alleviate social anxiety first dates suck. Yeah, and they're super awkward and I I tend to actually like them So I kind of disagree with you on that

I don't think we can talk about that later. hate them. Really? I hate them. I actually like them. I just feel like I'm wasting my time a lot of the time. Really? Like what am I talking about? I don't even know this person. I like me and gotta be like, where are you from? It's like, I don't care. No, you don't. then I do care. No, but then when you figure out that they, he was kidding everybody. But then when you do find out where they're from and you actually like them, like, you know. Yes. You got to go care. But I want to skip right to the third or fourth date. It's like, all right, this person's worth talking But that's why the drinking part makes it easier.

Exactly. So you just start talking. So about random shit. That's like the two perspectives there is that like the last night's first date was one of the best I've had in a while because there was no drinking involved. Great. But the drinking ones have been easier because there's a barrier in the middle and you can like take a sip or like and you also have to do something on a first date. You know you can't just like stand. You have to have something. Never been on a standing first. I've never been on standing date. Should we coin that. Yes do it.

Uh, do it like an, like an old west, could do like that standoff. Yeah. Like, like, you know, stand in center, back to back 40 paces. Just see you can shotgun like fastest. No, but this was, um, it's, good to hear. You said coffee date was one of them coffee date. then right after we had our coffee, we ended up being right next to a museum. So I was like, this was totally unplanned. was like, you want us to check out the museum? Like, I don't know they have there. There you go. You know, now you're looking at art.

Right. You now you're looking at art. Now you're looking at art. And now you're looking at art. And then we went to a comedy club and she had a couple of drinks. I told her like and she she was very and she was very nice. You know, she was like, hey, like, does it bother you? Like, do you mind? I'm like, yeah, no, go ahead. know, and if and if, know, if you're the kind of person that you can't really be around it, like you're early in your sobriety or this is something that, you know, would would trigger you and make you want to drink, then you should be you should be upfront about that and say that.

Josh Felgoise (47:43.496)

And the person that you're going out with should respect that yeah, and if they don't then this is not somebody you should really be going out See ya. Yeah, so it's like, you know, you're able to suss a person out very well by doing that so then she had a couple drinks and it was no problem and then our our last date was a big group of us going out to To get dinner I was there you were there. Yeah, was there. How did you bring it up to her?

Or did it just come up naturally? just kind of came up naturally in conversation. I didn't force the issue. Yeah. I think starting off with a sober activity like grabbing coffee in the middle of day, you know, it makes a lot more sense than you going to a bar. 100 % And being like, actually, I don't drink because then the person that you're going to like, I did. Right. Yeah. No, yours is is good. I probably would have said.

Let's just go grab ice cream. I why didn't. It was too late. It too late. Yeah. You had already made the plan. And I get that. That makes I was working till like six and I was like, oh, fuck. Now it's too late. It's too late. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't to think I was like flaky. So then I got there and I was like, I probably shouldn't do that. But anyway, go ahead. Let's just talk on Zoom. Um, Danny was probably so wild. Some people must have done it, man. I got no, I just some people definitely did. Oh, for sure. How else do you meet somebody during two years of whatever? ahead. Message in a bottle.

boy. No, but, what advice do you have for somebody that is feeling like they're drinking for the wrong reasons and considering a path that you're taking right now? Yeah. So I think if you're somebody who thinks they're drinking for the wrong reasons and they're starting to see their drinking as a problem and something getting in the way of things to varying degrees.

You're already recognizing that you want to change. Yeah. By you thinking this, you recognize, OK, I want to make a change. I want to, you know, limit or stop my drinking. And that's a really, really, really important first step. You know, there's a lot of people who are alcoholics who are just never going to stop that will just keep drinking because they have no desire to. Right. To stop.

Josh Felgoise (50:09.314)

But if you if you're recognizing it and you want to change, that's the most important first step. You have to honestly want to change. That's number one. So then once you once you've determined that I want to limit or stop my drinking completely, just take one day at a time. You know, you. Don't need to plan it out all the way like, well, now I got to be sober for the next, you know, year, at least for me to feel fulfilled. No, just take it one day at a time.

Just get through that day, get through that day, get through that day. And then make sure you get a person that you can call day or night that you can talk to if you ever feel the urge to want to drink. You can call them mom, dad, sister, cousin, whatever. Friend, doesn't matter. As long as they're gonna be around and they're gonna be able to talk to you however you're feeling that will, you know.

keep you from taking that drink. And that's definitely the number one first steps. And then if you seriously feel like you have a problem, AA is a great place to go. It's really, from what I've heard from family members who have struggled with alcoholism, it's been extremely beneficial. And they've been able to stay on the straight and narrow because of that. And lot of the tips that I just talked about are from AA.

Not something that I've personally had experience with. Yeah. But something that I know is hugely beneficial to a lot of people. So I think that's something that you should definitely consider if that's if it's become a problem that you're really concerned about. And how. First of all, thank you for sharing that. Like seriously, because that's probably one of the most important things that's been said on this podcast. Probably should have let off with that. So I can't believe I didn't.

I'm kind happy I didn't because I think no, no, you got it. No, I had to, you know, yeah. but I think that's really unbelievable advice and really important for somebody to hear if they're in that scenario or feeling like they're losing control. and I think the transition, which was the way we started it, I'm kind of want to finish with the same thing. I didn't mean to, but it ended this way. It's great. It's perfect. Yeah. from college to after college is.

Josh Felgoise (52:35.88)

wild for this being one of the big reasons that drinking culture in college is so at the heart of what you do at college. And it like surrounds your activities and not surround. I don't know. I'm not reason the right way. I'm not landing the plane well, but I'm going to try it. Yeah, I go in circles. It's so I don't know whatever. It's it's at the center of your college experience and

after college you have to, as you said, develop a routine that you stick by and you can't miss class, you know? Like you can't just one day be like, actually I don't want to go to class so I'm not gonna go because I'm too hungover. You have to go to work. You can't skip your job. So you're going from this thing where you have ability to kind of like fuck around and find out into a real routine that you have to stick by. You're gonna find out. And you're gonna find out. You're gonna find out. And I think that's one of the biggest.

Reasons that the transition transition people can be really hard and it can become a problem for people. Mm-hmm Yeah, I think it's an important conversation to have that I haven't had on here and I've wanted to for a long time so first of all, thank you so much for like lending your voice and experience to this because it's Going to be immensely helpful to at least one person. Of course, man. I hope so. That'd be nice Yeah, I I can tell you without a doubt like it will be at least for one person Yeah, I come on here every time thinking if I can like

Do something that helps one person's mindset, then I've done something good. Like, you know? Right. That sounds, like, annoying, but I do really believe that. a good, that's the right way to think about it. Yeah, and, like, I think that advice is really helpful. How do you know if it's becoming a problem? Does that make sense? And it's, I'm saying that as, like, a universal question, not for you. And I don't know if you have an answer to it. If not, we can just,

I think that varies person to person. One person what they consider to be, all right, I can't take it anymore. I gotta make a change. Very different from person to person. else. Mine was, I'm just sick of waking up in the afternoon, which is totally fair, and feeling hungover. And it's like, others, it's a lot worse. And others, it's just like, I don't really feel like it anymore.

Josh Felgoise (54:58.796)

What are some things that you're doing in the past five months that you hadn't done before or you had been doing that you're prioritizing now? Things wise, lot of golf, go to baseball games whenever I can. Fishing, getting outside. Yeah, just, you know, even if it's like walking around a park, if you're in Manhattan or, you know, city or if you're in a more rural area, like going on like an actual hike out is immensely helpful for so many reasons.

A lot of my time the past couple months has been dedicated to studying which I've enjoyed and it's been a nice way to occupy my time. I haven't really had much downtime because it's like, you know, studying and working and then I'm studying and then I'm going to bed and it's like, you know, yeah, I'm studying, working, cooking, gym. That's pretty much it for like a long time. But now that I'm going to have a job, it's...

more easy on the hours. This will be one of the first times you have free time in like months. Right. Yeah. I got to get back into gear on the studying thing because it's been about two weeks, three weeks now. OK. And I gave myself that time, which is very important. Yeah. You got to you got to let loose a little bit or else you're just like, got to have a little fun. Totally. But yeah, there's there's a lot of fun stuff you can do that doesn't involve drinking that.

Give it a chance. You know, say yes to, you know, things that you don't, you wouldn't typically have done. Yeah. It's a good way. That's a really good advice. Thank you. Seriously. This was like a really good episode. I'm, I'm, don't count your chickens, man. No, the ratings, the ratings can be awful. Yeah. What if we get destroyed online? We're not going to, there's not enough people listening to this to get destroyed online. but

Seriously, thank you for coming on here. I have wanted to do this episode for a long time and I recorded one of I recorded one I told you about this and it was like 30 minutes that just sitting on my computer of me talking about drinking habits and I just was like, this isn't good. it, I'm happy to talk about my experiences with it and share my perspective on it. But I was like, I can't just share mine and to do this topic justice, I want to bring somebody else on here. So I'm so thrilled to have you.

Josh Felgoise (57:16.622)

And yeah, I'm thrilled that you've been able to stick with it and feel great and confident in that and feel better. So it's like, it's so healthy to acknowledge it and know it and it's been cool to watch. man. Yeah. Appreciate it. Appreciate you having me on. Yeah. And I hope whoever, you know, might be interesting. Yeah. And if

You have any resources to share? I'll add them to the like show notes on you can see them on Spotify and podcast and Apple podcasts that I can just put down below Sweet, I'll leave my myspace. Anything else to share? Let's go Yankees. Okay, I'm gonna cut that All right. Thank you guys. This is awesome. Thanks, man

If you liked this episode, really hope you did. Please like, subscribe, leave review, and give this episode five stars. Send anything you want me to talk about, that should be talked about to my email, josh at guyset.com or advice at guyset.com, A-D-V-I-C-E at GUISET, and I'll be sure to talk about it. You can follow me on Instagram, TikTok, all the social medias at the guyset, T-H-E-G-U-I-S-E-T. You can watch this full episode on YouTube at the guyset or at guyset, it's one of those. And as always, email me, DM me, get in touch however you want.

Check out website guyset.com, G-U-Y-S-E-T.com, and I will see you guys next Tuesday. See you guys.