For something that has become one of the biggest topics in modern dating, situationships usually don't begin in a dramatic way.

They start the same way most healthy relationships do.

You meet someone.

You enjoy spending time together.

The conversation is easy, the chemistry is there, and you keep making plans to see each other again.

At first, the uncertainty feels normal.

You're still getting to know each other, so of course you don't know exactly where things are going. Every relationship begins with questions that only time can answer.

The problem isn't the uncertainty.

The problem is when the uncertainty never goes away.

That's when people start feeling stuck.

Most Situationships Don't Start as Situationships

I don't think many people intentionally choose to be in a situationship.

Most people believe they're building a relationship.

Then another week passes.

Then another month.

You're still texting every day.

You're still seeing each other.

You're still acting like a couple.

But nothing has actually been defined.

The relationship keeps growing emotionally without growing in clarity.

One of the biggest things I realized while recording this series is that people often mistake progress for consistency. Just because you're spending more time together doesn't necessarily mean the relationship is moving forward.

Sometimes it's simply repeating the same stage over and over again.

That's an important distinction.

The Fear of Having the Conversation

If situationships are so frustrating, why do so many people stay in them?

I think the answer is surprisingly simple.

People are afraid of changing something that already feels good.

Bringing up exclusivity.

Asking, "What are we?"

Talking about where the relationship is headed.

All of those conversations create vulnerability because they require you to stop guessing and start being honest.

As long as the relationship stays undefined, there's always hope that it's naturally becoming something more.

The moment you ask, you risk hearing an answer you weren't expecting.

That's why so many people wait.

Not because they don't care.

Because they care a lot.

One of the things I said in the podcast was:

"Everything they say from there will tell you everything you need to know."

I think that's exactly why those conversations feel intimidating.

They replace possibility with certainty.

Sometimes that's exciting.

Sometimes it's disappointing.

But it's always clearer than continuing to wonder.

We're Afraid of Losing Potential

One thing I've noticed is that people often become attached to what the relationship could become instead of paying attention to what it actually is.

You imagine future vacations.

Meeting each other's families.

Building a life together.

There's nothing wrong with being excited about possibility.

The problem is when possibility becomes a substitute for reality.

A healthy relationship doesn't only exist in your imagination.

It exists in your conversations, your actions, and your shared understanding of where things are going.

That's why I think one of the biggest questions you can ask yourself is this:

Am I falling in love with this relationship, or with the version of it I'm hoping it becomes?

That's not always an easy question to answer.

But it's an important one.

Research from the Gottman Institute has consistently shown that healthy relationships are built through shared expectations and open communication. Hope is important, but relationships become stronger when hope is matched by honest conversations.

If you've reached the point where you're wondering whether it's time to have one of those conversations, How Do You Know If You're Ready for a Relationship? (And 4 Other Questions Guys Are Asking) explains how to approach it naturally without turning it into an ultimatum.

A Situationship Feels Comfortable Until It Doesn't

One of the reasons situationships can last so long is because they often don't feel like a problem at first.

You're seeing someone consistently.

You have inside jokes.

You text throughout the day.

Maybe you've met each other's friends or started spending entire weekends together.

From the outside, it can look like a relationship.

That's what makes it so difficult to recognize when you've stopped moving forward.

The relationship feels familiar, and familiarity is comfortable. Every week that passes without a difficult conversation makes it a little easier to convince yourself that you'll have it next week instead.

Eventually, though, something changes.

You stop wondering whether you like them.

You already know you do.

The question becomes whether they're building the same future you're imagining.

That's usually when the uncertainty starts to outweigh the excitement.

Time Doesn't Create Clarity

One of the biggest myths in modern dating is that enough time will naturally answer every question.

I don't think that's true.

Time helps you get to know someone.

It helps you build trust.

It helps you understand whether you're compatible.

But time doesn't define a relationship.

Conversations do.

I've seen people date for six weeks and have complete clarity about what they're building together. I've also seen people spend six months in a situationship asking the exact same questions they had after the second date.

The difference isn't the calendar.

It's communication.

One of the things I said during the podcast series was:

"There's no timeline for any of this. Everybody is on their own timeline when it comes to a different relationship."

I still believe that.

Healthy relationships don't move forward because enough days have passed.

They move forward because two people continue creating more clarity than confusion.

That's one of the biggest ideas behind When Should You Become Exclusive? The right time isn't determined by the number of dates you've been on. It's determined by whether you've naturally reached a point where you're both ready to invest in the same relationship.

The Goal Was Never to Stay Here

I think this is the most important thing people misunderstand about situationships.

The goal was never to avoid commitment forever.

The goal was to learn enough about each other to decide whether commitment made sense.

A situationship is supposed to be temporary.

It's the bridge between meeting someone and deciding whether you want to build something more serious together.

One of my favorite quotes from the podcast was:

"A situationship should be a bridge... not a destination."

I think that's exactly right.

If the relationship keeps creating more trust, more honesty, and more consistency, eventually one of two things should happen.

You decide to become exclusive and continue building the relationship.

Or you realize you're looking for different things.

Neither outcome is a failure.

What's unhealthy is staying in the middle because neither person is willing to ask where the relationship is actually going.

Research from the Pew Research Center has shown that as modern dating has become more complex, conversations around expectations and commitment have become increasingly important. When relationships aren't clearly defined, it's much easier for two people to believe they're building completely different futures.

Here's the Thing

I don't think situationships are the problem.

I think avoiding conversations is.

Every healthy relationship starts with uncertainty.

You're supposed to spend time getting to know each other before making bigger commitments. You're supposed to ask questions, build trust, and discover whether you're compatible.

That's healthy.

What isn't healthy is staying in the exact same place because both people are hoping the other person will eventually say something first.

The strongest relationships don't become relationships because they accidentally drift in that direction.

They become relationships because two people decide to stop guessing.

They talk about exclusivity.

They define the relationship.

They tell each other how they feel.

That's what moves a relationship forward.

If you're wondering whether you've reached that point, How to Know If There’s a Spark (And When to Walk Away) explores how to recognize when it's time for the relationship to grow. And if you're ready to start the conversation, What Should You Say When You Want to Be Exclusive? walks through how to bring it up honestly and confidently.

FAQs

Why do people stay in situationships for so long?

Many people stay because the relationship feels good, and they're afraid that defining it could change what they already have. Uncertainty often feels safer than risking rejection.

Why are situationships so common today?

Modern dating includes more relationship stages, more options, and fewer shared expectations than ever before. Without honest conversations, it's easy for two people to continue dating without clearly defining where the relationship is going.

Can a situationship become a relationship?

Absolutely. Many healthy relationships begin as situationships. The difference is that both people eventually communicate openly about exclusivity, commitment, and what they want to build together.

What's the biggest sign you're stuck in a situationship?

If you've been seeing someone for a long time but still don't have more clarity about where the relationship is headed than you did weeks or months ago, the relationship may have stopped progressing.

How do you get out of a situationship?

The healthiest way forward is through an honest conversation. Share how you feel, ask where the other person stands, and decide together whether you're both interested in building the same kind of relationship.