One of the hardest parts of dating apps isn't getting matches.

It's figuring out what to say once you get one.

You finally match with someone you're excited about, open the chat, and suddenly every possible message feels wrong. "Hey" feels boring. A pickup line feels forced. A joke feels risky. Before you know it, you've spent ten minutes staring at your screen without sending anything.

The good news is that starting a conversation on Hinge is usually much simpler than people make it.

The best way to start a conversation isn't by finding the perfect opening line. It's by giving the other person an easy reason to respond.

That's what most successful Hinge conversations have in common.

They start naturally.

Stop Trying To Be Perfect

One of the biggest mistakes people make on dating apps is treating the first message like it's the most important thing they'll ever send.

It isn't.

The first message isn't supposed to win someone over. It's supposed to start a conversation.

When I answered this question on the podcast, one of the things I said was:

"I don't think there's a great line to say to anybody on Hinge."

That's because there isn't one message that works for everyone.

Every profile is different. Every person is different. Every conversation is different.

The people who do well on Hinge usually aren't sending magical messages. They're sending messages that feel personal and easy to respond to.

That's a much lower bar than most people think.

Use What's Already In Front Of You

The easiest way to start a conversation is to use the information the other person has already given you.

Look at their prompts.

Look at their photos.

Look at their interests.

Look at what they've chosen to highlight.

If someone says they love traveling, ask about their favorite trip.

If someone mentions a hobby, ask how they got into it.

If someone makes a joke, respond to the joke.

Most people tell you exactly what they want to talk about. The challenge isn't finding a topic. The challenge is paying attention.

That's why generic messages often struggle. They could be sent to anyone. A personalized message immediately feels different because it shows you actually looked at the profile.

One of the biggest lessons I've learned from dating apps is that effort stands out more than cleverness.

The Best Messages Create Easy Conversations

A good opening message gives the other person somewhere to go.

A bad opening message creates work.

Think about the difference between saying:

"Hey."

And:

"What's the best concert you've ever been to?"

One creates a conversation.

The other creates an obligation.

People are much more likely to respond when the conversation feels easy. That's why specific questions tend to work so well. They give someone something to react to instead of forcing them to figure out what to say next.

Research from Pew Research Center has found that one of the biggest frustrations people experience on dating apps is repetitive and surface-level conversation. The easiest way to avoid that is by asking questions that are actually specific to the person you're talking to.

Don't Worry About Being Funny

A lot of guys think they need to be hilarious right away.

You don't.

Being funny is great, but trying too hard to be funny usually backfires.

Most people aren't looking for a stand-up comedian. They're looking for someone they enjoy talking to.

That's why I generally think curiosity is a better strategy than performance.

When you're focused on learning about someone, the conversation feels more natural. You're no longer trying to impress them with a perfectly crafted message. You're simply trying to get to know them.

People can usually feel that difference.

It's one of the reasons I've always been skeptical of pickup lines. As I talked about in What Is The Best Pick Up Line?, most people care far more about authenticity than they do about cleverness.

Let The Prompts Do The Work

One of the simplest pieces of advice I gave during the episode was:

"Just use the prompts as response mechanisms."

That sounds obvious, but it's surprising how many people ignore it.

Hinge prompts exist to help people start conversations. They're literally built into the app for that purpose.

If someone writes that they'll never stop talking about Taylor Swift, ask about Taylor Swift.

If someone says they're looking for the best pizza in New York, tell them your favorite spot.

If someone says they're competitive, ask what they're most competitive about.

The prompt is the conversation starter.

You don't need to invent one.

Focus On Curiosity

The best Hinge conversations usually begin with genuine curiosity.

Not performance.

Not showing off.

Not trying to sound cooler than you are.

Curiosity.

When you're genuinely interested in someone, your questions become better. Your responses become more thoughtful. The conversation becomes easier because you're paying attention to the other person instead of worrying about yourself.

Relationship researchers at The Gottman Institute often talk about the importance of turning toward opportunities for connection. Even though they're discussing long-term relationships, the same idea applies here. Good conversations begin when people show interest in each other.

That's ultimately what you're trying to do.

Create a connection.

What Happens After The First Message Matters More

One thing people don't talk about enough is that the opener is only a tiny part of the process.

The bigger challenge is what happens after someone responds.

Can you keep the conversation moving?

Can you ask thoughtful questions?

Can you build enough comfort to suggest a date?

Those skills matter far more than whether your opening message was perfect.

That's why I think people spend too much time worrying about the first message and not enough time learning how to have a good conversation.

If that's something you're working on, I'd also recommend reading The Early Dating Moments Guys Never Talk About, because the same principles apply once the conversation starts moving.

According to research published by Harvard Business Review, curiosity plays a major role in creating stronger interpersonal relationships. People tend to connect more easily when they feel genuinely heard and understood.

The same principle applies on dating apps.

The Best Way To Start A Conversation On Hinge

If you're looking for one simple answer, here it is:

Pay attention.

Look at their profile.

Respond to something specific.

Ask a question that's easy to answer.

Be curious.

Don't overthink it.

The best way to start a conversation on Hinge isn't with a pickup line or a script.

It's with a genuine attempt to get to know the person on the other side of the screen.

FAQ

What's the best opening message on Hinge?

The best opening message usually references something specific in the person's profile and makes it easy for them to respond.

Should I use pickup lines on Hinge?

Most of the time, no. Personalized messages tend to perform better because they feel more natural and authentic.

What if I don't know what to say?

Use one of their prompts, photos, interests, or captions. Most profiles already contain multiple conversation starters.

Why do Hinge conversations die?

Many conversations become too generic or one-sided. Asking thoughtful questions and showing genuine curiosity helps keep them going.

How long should you talk before asking someone out?

Once the conversation feels comfortable and engaging, it's usually better to suggest a date rather than staying in the app indefinitely.