The Real Job Interview Turn-Ons and Turn-Offs

How to Actually Come Across Like a Real Person in a Job Interview

There’s no class in college called How to Act in an Interview.

You’re expected to just figure it out.

You learn how to build a resume. Maybe you rehearse a few common questions. But no one really teaches you how to show up like a human being when someone is deciding whether they want to work with you.

When I started interviewing candidates myself, I realized how few people actually know how to do that.

Most people think being prepared means memorizing answers.
It doesn’t. It means being present.

“Most job interviews aren’t conducted by going into an office building and walking up to the 150th floor anymore. You’re probably walking from your bathroom after you just took a shit to your desk, turning on Zoom, and being like, ‘Hi, I’m Josh. Nice to meet you.’ That’s the reality now.”

That’s what interviews look like today. Digital. Slightly awkward. Happening in the same space you eat breakfast.

Which makes how you show up even more important.

Why Most Interviews Feel Flat

When I started sitting on the other side of the screen, one thing became obvious fast.

Everyone sounds the same.

Same buzzwords.
Same pacing.
Same rehearsed confidence.

One candidate I interviewed had technically perfect answers. Clear structure. Strong experience. But something was missing.

“He had everything so rigid and so prepared and so robotic that it felt like there was no human element to it.”

He wasn’t doing anything wrong. He just wasn’t memorable.

And memorability is the real currency of interviews. That’s something hiring managers consistently point out in research from Harvard Business Review, where interviewers rate candidates who feel conversational and calm as more competent and trustworthy, even when qualifications are equal.

This is the same dynamic I talked about in How To Stop Overthinking Everything. When you’re too focused on getting it right, you lose connection.

The Problem With Scripts

Preparation matters. Scripts don’t.

When you memorize answers word for word, you strip out the most important part of communication.

Presence.

Your interviewer already knows you’re qualified. That’s why you’re there. What they’re trying to figure out is how you think, how you communicate, and how it feels to talk to you.

Career coaches interviewed by Forbes have said the fastest way to lose an interviewer’s attention is sounding overly rehearsed. People want adaptability, not perfection.

If your voice sounds exactly like it did when you practiced alone, you’ve probably over-rehearsed.

Interviews aren’t presentations.
They’re conversations.

Why Being Human Is the Advantage

One of the biggest advantages in any interview is simply being yourself.

Not a louder version.
Not a more impressive version.
Just a real one.

“It’s okay to be nervous. The version where you’re acting like yourself and answering questions like a real human being is going to shine so much brighter than the version you think you’re supposed to be.”

Confidence doesn’t come from pretending. It comes from comfort.

This is the same confidence principle behind How To Act Confident When You Don’t Feel It. You don’t gain confidence by performing. You gain it by showing up honestly and surviving the moment.

Psychologists writing for Psychology Today point out that authenticity under pressure builds trust faster than polished self-presentation, especially in evaluative settings like interviews.

Even on Zoom, energy is obvious. Sitting up. Making eye contact. Reacting naturally. Treating the person on the screen like a person, not a judge.

That presence carries.

The Fine Line Between Confidence and Arrogance

Confidence is attractive. Arrogance kills trust.

There’s a difference between clearly communicating what you’re good at and trying to convince someone you deserve the role.

“Confidence can also lead into arrogance or pompousness. There’s a middle ground where you can speak clearly and show that you’re good at what you do without having to state it.”

You don’t need to say you’re confident.
You show it in how you explain your work.

Saying “I’m confident I can do this role” rarely helps. It’s like telling someone you’re funny instead of letting them laugh.

Why Slowing Down Changes Everything

One of the most underrated interview skills is pace.

“Speaking slowly with confidence behind what you’re saying is such a turn-on in an interview.”

Rushing makes you sound nervous.
Slowing down makes you sound grounded.

You don’t need to fill every silence. Pauses make your words land.

And if you need a second to think, take it.

“Can I take a moment to think about that?” doesn’t weaken your answer. It strengthens it.

Harvard Business Review has pointed out that interviewers consistently rate calm, deliberate communicators as more competent, even when content is equal. Pace shapes perception.

Stop Treating Interviews Like Tests

Interviews aren’t exams. There’s rarely one correct answer.

“The best interviews are the ones that feel like conversations. Not interrogations.”

When you stop trying to pass and start trying to connect, the dynamic shifts. You’re no longer performing. You’re participating.

And that’s when people start imagining you on their team.

This is the same mindset shift I talk about in dating. When you stop auditioning and start engaging, things feel lighter. More natural. More honest.

The Question That Actually Matters

The final minutes of an interview are where most candidates disappear.

When someone asks, “Do you have any questions for me?” and you say no, you miss the moment.

Ask something real.

Ask about their experience.
Ask what success actually looks like.
Ask what surprised them about the role.

“Have at least two questions ready.”

Not to impress. To connect.

People remember how you made them feel, not how perfectly you answered.

Following Up Is a Signal, Not a Strategy

A follow-up email doesn’t need to be clever.

It just needs to exist.

Most people don’t send one.

A simple message thanking them for the conversation and referencing something specific you discussed shows maturity, awareness, and interest.

That’s it.

Human. Clean. Memorable.

The Part Everyone Forgets

“You already got in the room.”

Virtual or not, you’re there for a reason.

Interviews are uncomfortable for everyone. You’re not supposed to feel perfectly calm. You’re supposed to feel human.

But once you’re in the conversation, you’ve earned your spot.

Sit up. Be present. Take up space.

Not because you’re proving something.
Because you belong there.

And Here's The Thing

The goal of an interview isn’t to sound perfect.

It’s to sound like someone people want to work with.

Prepared. Present. Human.

That’s what actually stands out.

FAQ: Job Interviews and Confidence

How prepared should I be for an interview?
Know your experience and stories, but don’t memorize scripts. Preparation should support presence, not replace it.

Is it okay to be nervous in an interview?
Yes. Nervousness is normal. Authenticity lands better than forced confidence.

How do I stop sounding robotic?
Slow down, listen fully, and respond naturally instead of reciting rehearsed answers.

What if I don’t know how to answer a question?
Ask for a moment to think. Thoughtfulness reads as confidence.

How do I stand out without trying too hard?
Be engaged, ask real questions, and communicate clearly. Presence beats polish every time.