There is always something next.

The next job. The next promotion. The next relationship. The next apartment. The next trip. The next amount of money you want to make. The next version of yourself you’re trying to become.

Your 20s can feel particularly consumed by the future because so much of your life still feels undecided. You’re trying to build a career while figuring out whether you even like the career you picked. You’re dating people while wondering who you’ll eventually end up with. You’re trying to save money while also wanting to actually enjoy being young. You’re making decisions about where to live, who to spend your time with and what kind of person you want to become.

There is nothing wrong with thinking about any of that. You probably should think about some of it.

But there’s a point where thinking about your future stops helping you build it and starts preventing you from enjoying your life right now.

You go to dinner and think about work tomorrow. You finally get the job you wanted and immediately start wondering when you'll get promoted. You meet someone you like and instead of enjoying getting to know them, you start trying to figure out whether the relationship is going somewhere. You reach one goal and, almost instantly, replace it with another.

You keep waiting for the part where you can finally relax and enjoy everything.

The problem is that part might never arrive unless you decide to be here for it.

Your Brain Is Always Trying to Get Somewhere Else

One of the pieces of advice I came across while recording an episode of Guyset was: Try not to waste life worrying about the future. We’re here right now. That’s about the only thing we know.

I like the wording because it doesn't say never worry about the future. That's impossible. It says try not to.

You’re going to worry. You’re going to wonder whether you’re making the right decisions. You’re going to think about what your career looks like in five years, whether you’ll meet the right person, whether you’re saving enough money, whether you should move, whether you should stay and whether the thing you're currently doing is actually leading somewhere.

That’s being human.

The problem is when your brain spends so much time living five years ahead of you that you barely experience what is happening today.

“Knowing that today is the only time that matters.”

That doesn't mean tomorrow doesn't matter. It means today is the only part of your life you can actually participate in.

Psychology Today has written about how excessive future-oriented thinking can turn into anticipatory anxiety, where your mind repeatedly imagines things that could go wrong before they have even happened. Planning for a real problem can be useful. Constantly rehearsing hypothetical problems usually isn't.

There is a difference between I should prepare for this and I need to mentally experience every possible version of this before it happens.

One helps you move forward.

The other keeps you stuck in your head.

You Can Ruin a Good Moment by Trying to Figure Out What It Means

I think dating is one of the easiest places to see this happen.

You go on a great date. Instead of just thinking, That was fun, I'd like to see her again, your brain starts working overtime. Does she like me? Where is this going? When should I text? What if she’s seeing someone else? Could this become a relationship? What if I like her more than she likes me?

Nothing bad has actually happened. You might have just had a really good night.

But instead of experiencing something good, you're trying to protect yourself from a hypothetical future version of it becoming bad.

We do the same thing with work. You get a job you've wanted for months and within a few weeks you're thinking about what comes after it. You finally make more money and immediately calculate how much more you need. You accomplish something that the version of you from two years ago would have been incredibly proud of, and somehow it already feels ordinary.

That’s one reason Why Confidence Comes After Action matters beyond confidence itself. Sometimes you have to stop trying to predict whether everything will work out and trust yourself enough to participate in your life while it’s happening.

You don't need to know whether the date becomes a relationship to enjoy the date. You don't need to know whether the job becomes your career to learn from the job. You don't need to know whether you'll live in this city forever to have a favorite restaurant there.

Not everything needs to prove that it has a future before it gets to matter in your present.

Stop Waiting for Your Life to Start

There is a trap I think a lot of people fall into in their 20s: believing the current version of their life is temporary and the real one is coming later.

Once I make more money, then I'll feel settled.

Once I get into a relationship, then things will feel complete.

Once I get the promotion, then I'll be proud of myself.

Once I move, then I'll be happier.

Once I get in shape, then I'll feel confident.

Once I figure everything out, then I'll finally be able to enjoy my life.

But then you get there and the finish line moves.

This is part of what makes your 20s feel so strange. You are simultaneously building your life and already living it. It’s easy to become so obsessed with the building part that you treat everything happening now like a waiting room.

That feeling is all over The Inner Monologue of Your 20s. So much of this decade is spent wondering when you're going to feel settled, established or certain, without realizing that the uncertainty itself is part of this stage of your life.

Harvard Health Publishing has explained that mindfulness is fundamentally about paying attention to the present moment rather than becoming consumed by thoughts about the past or future. That doesn't require becoming someone who meditates for an hour every morning. Sometimes being more present is much more ordinary than that.

It’s noticing that you're having a good time while you're having it.

It’s listening when your friend is talking instead of checking your phone.

It’s going for a walk without turning it into a planning session for the next five years of your life.

It’s letting Friday night be Friday night without mentally dragging Monday morning into it.

Your Phone Makes It Much Harder to Be Where You Are

This is probably the least surprising part of the conversation, but it might be one of the most important.

Put your phone down sometimes.

Not forever. Not because phones are evil. Your phone is probably where you work, talk to your friends, listen to music, get directions, take photos, date, read the news and do a hundred other things.

But it also gives your brain an escape hatch from almost every moment of your life.

You wake up and check it. You walk somewhere and check it. You wait thirty seconds for someone and check it. You watch TV while checking it. You go to dinner and it sits face up on the table. You get one second of boredom and immediately reach for it.

In the episode, I talked about trying to create small periods where the phone simply isn't part of what you're doing.

“Put your phone down every once in a while and enjoy your life.”

That might mean the first 20 minutes after you wake up. Maybe it's putting your phone in your pocket when you're at dinner instead of leaving it on the table. Maybe it's going on a walk without looking at anything. Maybe it's watching an entire movie without simultaneously scrolling through something else.

The American Psychological Association has discussed research connecting frequent phone checking and digital interruptions with attention and stress. Even when you're physically somewhere, constant notifications and checking can repeatedly pull your attention away from the people and experiences in front of you.

You don't have to throw your phone into the ocean.

Just stop giving it every empty second.

Boredom, silence and moments where nothing is happening are still parts of your life. You don't need to fill all of them.

You’re Allowed to Plan. You Just Can’t Live There.

None of this means you should stop caring about the future.

I care a lot about the future. I think ambition is good. Having goals is good. Planning is good. Wanting a better career, relationship, financial situation or life is good.

You should probably have some idea of where you're trying to go.

But there’s a difference between planning your future and mentally living in it.

Planning says, Here’s what I want, and here’s what I can do today to move toward it.

Worrying says, I need to know exactly how all of this turns out before I can relax.

You can't.

That can be terrifying, but it can also be freeing.

You don't need the answer to every question about your life today. You need to know what you can do today.

Apply for the job. Send the text. Go on the date. Save some money. Call your friend. Go to the gym. Start writing. Book the trip. Have the conversation.

Then let today be enough.

This is also why How To Stop Comparing Yourself to Everyone Else is worth reading if your future anxiety is mostly coming from watching other people reach milestones before you. It's very easy to become obsessed with getting somewhere faster when you’re constantly being shown where everyone else appears to be.

Their timeline doesn't need to become your deadline.

Most Things Won’t Feel This Big Forever

There was another piece of advice from the episode that I think helps when you're worried about the future:

What’s paramount today is a footnote tomorrow.

Think about the things that have consumed you before.

The person you thought you'd never get over. The exam you thought would determine your entire future. The job interview you couldn't stop thinking about. The awkward thing you said. The friendship drama. The rejection. The mistake at work that made you feel sick for two days.

Some of those things genuinely mattered.

But a lot of them probably don't feel as enormous now as they did while you were living through them.

Time has a way of resizing things.

That doesn't mean you should dismiss what you're feeling. It means you should be careful about believing your brain when it tells you that whatever you're currently worried about is going to feel exactly this important forever.

Sometimes the future you're afraid of arrives and you handle it.

Sometimes it never arrives at all.

And sometimes something completely different happens that you couldn't possibly have predicted.

You don't need to solve every future problem tonight.

And Here’s The Thing

You should care about your future.

Build something. Make plans. Save money. Take your career seriously. Think about who you want to become. Go after the relationship you want. Set goals that scare you a little.

But don't become so obsessed with creating a good life later that you forget to have one now.

There will always be another milestone. Another thing you want. Another question you haven't answered. Another version of yourself you're trying to become.

If you decide you're only allowed to enjoy your life once everything is settled, you're going to be waiting for a very long time.

“Try not to waste life worrying about the future. We're here right now. That's about the only thing we know.”

Maybe you don't know exactly what your career will look like five years from now. Maybe you don't know who you'll end up with. Maybe you don't know where you'll live, how much money you'll make or whether the plan you're following right now is going to work.

You can still have dinner with your friends tonight.

You can still enjoy the person you're dating.

You can still be proud of the job you just got.

You can still go outside, put your phone in your pocket and pay attention to where you actually are.

Your future matters.

Just don't give it so much of your attention that it takes you away from your life before you've even had the chance to live it.

Frequently Asked Questions

How do I stop worrying about the future all the time?

Focus on what you can control. If there's something you can do about a concern, take action. If not, try to stop spending so much time worrying about things that haven't happened.

How can I live in the present when I have goals for the future?

You can be ambitious and still enjoy your life right now. Set goals, make plans, and focus on what you can do today instead of constantly worrying about what's next.

Why do I always feel like I'm waiting for my life to start?

You might be tying your happiness to future milestones like a promotion, relationship, or financial goal. Remember that your life is happening right now, not just when you reach your next goal.

How can I be more present every day?

Put your phone away, spend quality time with people, take walks without distractions, and pay attention to what's happening around you instead of constantly thinking ahead.

Is worrying about the future normal in your 20s?

Yes. Your 20s involve a lot of uncertainty around careers, relationships, money, and life decisions. It's normal to think about the future, but you don't want to miss the present because you're so focused on what's next.