One of the biggest misconceptions about dating apps is that you need the perfect opening message.

You don't.

A lot of people spend more time thinking about what to say than they spend actually sending the message. They overanalyze every word, rewrite it three times, delete it, start over, and eventually convince themselves that nothing sounds good enough. Meanwhile, the people who are actually getting dates are usually doing something much simpler. They're starting conversations.

That's really the entire goal.

The truth is that most Hinge conversations don't succeed because of one brilliant message. They succeed because two people are interested in getting to know each other. That's why the goal isn't to send the perfect opener. The goal is to make starting the conversation feel easy.

Stop Looking For A Magic Formula

A lot of dating advice online makes it seem like there's some secret line that works on everyone.

There isn't.

No opening message is guaranteed to get a response. No pickup line automatically creates chemistry. No clever joke can make someone interested if they weren't interested to begin with. That's actually good news because it means you can stop trying to be perfect.

One of the questions I answered on the podcast was what you should say when you match with someone on Hinge. My answer was simple:

"I don't think there's a great line to say to anybody on Hinge."

That's because conversations work best when they feel like conversations, not performances. People can usually tell when you're trying too hard. The best opening messages aren't the funniest, cleverest, or most impressive. They're the ones that feel natural.

A lot of guys approach Hinge like they're trying to pass a test. In reality, you're just trying to start talking to another person.

Pay Attention To Their Profile

The easiest way to start a conversation is also the most effective.

Pay attention to their profile.

Look at their prompts. Look at their photos. Look at the things they've chosen to share. Those details are there for a reason.

If someone mentions a hobby, ask about it. If someone talks about a favorite travel destination, ask about it. If someone makes a joke, respond to the joke. If someone mentions a favorite restaurant, ask what they order every time they go.

Most people tell you exactly what to talk about if you're willing to pay attention.

That's why generic messages often struggle. They could be sent to anyone. Personal messages feel different because they could only be sent to that person.

I've talked about this before in What to Say When You Walk Up to a Girl at a Bar because one of the biggest mistakes people make is trying to impress someone before they've actually gotten to know them. Most of the time, curiosity works better than performance.

Make It Easy To Respond

One mistake people make is sending messages that don't really give the other person anywhere to go.

If your opener is simply "Hey," there's not much to respond to.

Even something like "How was your weekend?" is better, but it still puts most of the work on the other person.

Instead, try asking questions that naturally create a conversation.

If they mention loving concerts, ask what the best concert they've ever been to was.

If they mention traveling, ask what place they'd go back to tomorrow if they could.

If they mention being a terrible cook, ask what the worst thing they've ever attempted to make was.

Good conversation starters create opportunities for conversation. They don't force someone to do all the work.

Researchers at Pew Research Center have found that one of the biggest challenges people face on dating apps is moving beyond surface-level interactions. The easiest way to do that is by giving people something specific to talk about.

You Don't Need A Pickup Line

A lot of guys worry that they need to be funny immediately.

You don't.

In fact, trying too hard to be funny is usually where things go wrong. Most people would rather have a normal conversation than receive the same pickup line they've seen twenty times before.

One of the things I said during the episode was:

"Just use the prompts as response mechanisms."

It's simple advice because it works.

The prompts are literally conversation starters. Hinge built them into the app for a reason. If someone took the time to write them, there's a good chance they're comfortable talking about them.

The easiest conversation starter is often sitting right in front of you.

That's also why I think so many people overcomplicate dating apps. We spend time looking for the perfect line when the conversation topic is already there.

Focus On Curiosity Instead Of Impressing People

The best conversations come from curiosity.

Not performance.

Not trying to sound cooler than you are.

Not trying to create the funniest message they've ever received.

Curiosity.

When you're genuinely interested in learning about another person, the conversation becomes much easier because you're focused on understanding who they are instead of worrying about how you're being perceived.

People can usually feel the difference.

A conversation built around curiosity feels natural. A conversation built around trying to impress someone often feels forced.

This is something relationship experts at The Gottman Institute talk about frequently. Healthy relationships are often built through small moments of connection and genuine interest in another person's world. The same principle applies when you're first getting to know someone.

Stop Treating The First Message Like It's Everything

One thing I've noticed is that people treat the first message like it's the most important message they'll ever send.

It isn't.

The first message only has one job: start the conversation.

It doesn't need to be life-changing. It doesn't need to be the funniest thing they've ever read. It doesn't need to guarantee a date.

It just needs to give the conversation somewhere to go.

One of the biggest mistakes people make is believing that if they just find the perfect opener, everything else will take care of itself. In reality, most dating success comes from the conversation that happens after the opener.

That's why I've always thought people focus too much on the first message and not enough on building an actual connection.

If you're worried about what happens once the conversation starts, check out The Early Dating Texting Question Everyone Has. Both cover the next stage that happens after you move beyond the initial match.

What If They Don't Reply?

This is the part that frustrates most people.

Sometimes you'll send a good message and still get ignored.

That's normal.

Dating apps are weird. People get busy. People stop checking the app. People meet someone else. People change their minds. Sometimes people simply aren't interested.

A lack of response doesn't automatically mean you did something wrong.

The goal isn't to get every match to respond. The goal is to create enough good conversations that a few turn into great dates.

That's a much healthier way to think about it because it focuses on what you can control rather than obsessing over what you can't.

The Best Hinge Opener Is The One You Actually Send

A lot of people are looking for the perfect first message.

The problem is that the perfect first message doesn't exist.

There are good messages and there are bad messages, but most of the difference comes down to whether you're paying attention to the person's profile and making it easy for them to respond.

You don't need a pickup line.

You don't need a script.

You don't need a template.

You just need to start a conversation.

Because at the end of the day, the best Hinge opener is usually the one you actually send.

Frequently Asked Questions

What is the best first message on Hinge?

The best first message is usually one that responds to something specific in the person's profile and makes it easy for them to reply.

Should you use pickup lines on Hinge?

Usually no. Most conversations perform better when they feel natural and personalized rather than scripted.

What should I say after matching on Hinge?

Comment on one of their prompts, ask a question about something in their profile, or respond to a joke they've made.

Why do Hinge conversations die?

Most conversations die because they become generic, one-sided, or neither person moves things forward.

How long should you talk on Hinge before asking someone out?

There isn't a perfect timeline, but once the conversation feels comfortable and engaging, it's usually better to suggest a date rather than messaging endlessly.