One of the harder things to get used to when you start working is realizing that not everybody is going to like you.

You can be nice. You can work hard. You can try to be helpful. You can make an effort to get along with everybody. And somehow, there might still be a coworker who just doesn't like you.

Maybe you know why. Maybe you have absolutely no idea.

I think that's something you have to learn to be okay with, because the reality of working with a bunch of different people is that you're eventually going to encounter someone you don't click with. And the goal shouldn't necessarily be figuring out how to make them like you.

The goal is figuring out how to work with them anyway.

Not Every Coworker Is Going to Be Your Friend

I came across a piece of work advice online that basically said you will eventually become enemies with an older coworker for no reason.

I laughed when I first saw it because it sounds ridiculous. But based on my own experience, and what I've seen happen to friends and coworkers, there is something about it that feels strangely accurate.

I don't necessarily think it's always about age. I think it's more about what happens when different personalities, generations, working styles, and levels of experience are thrown together.

You might come into a company and suggest changing something that's been done the same way for years. You might ask for something that someone else would never have asked for. You might get an opportunity someone else wanted. You might get credit for an idea. You might simply approach work differently than someone who's been there much longer than you.

And that can piss people off.

“Be prepared for not everyone to like you.”

That's probably the larger lesson.

Not every coworker is going to become your friend, and you're not necessarily at work to make friends. You're there to do your job, contribute to the team, learn, and hopefully get better at what you do.

That doesn't mean workplace relationships aren't important. They absolutely are. I talk more about the other side of this in How Do You Build Relationships at a New Job?, because making an effort to know the people around you can make your job significantly easier and more enjoyable.

But building good relationships doesn't mean you're going to have a good relationship with everyone.

First, Figure Out If There's Actually a Problem

There's an important distinction between someone not liking you and someone actually interfering with your ability to do your job.

Maybe they're not particularly friendly with you. Maybe they don't invite you to lunch. Maybe they're warmer with other people. Maybe your conversations are always a little awkward.

None of that necessarily means you need to do anything.

Sometimes two people just don't connect.

The situation becomes different if the coworker is withholding information you need, undermining your work, talking about you to other people, taking credit for what you've done, intentionally excluding you from things you need to be part of, or making it difficult for you to actually do your job.

That's when it goes from "this person doesn't like me" to an actual workplace issue.

The American Psychological Association has discussed how communication with coworkers and bosses can be particularly important when dealing with difficult workplace situations and toxic coworkers.

And I think knowing the difference between a personality conflict and an actual problem can save you from spending a lot of time trying to solve something that doesn't need to be solved.

Don't Make Being Liked the Goal

I think one of the easiest traps to fall into, especially when you're younger or starting your first few jobs, is wanting everybody at work to like you.

It makes sense. You're spending an enormous amount of time with these people.

But trying to make everybody like you can eventually affect how you work.

Maybe you stop speaking up because you're worried someone will disagree with you. Maybe you don't push an idea because you don't want to step on someone's toes. Maybe you take criticism way too personally because it feels like somebody disliking your work means they dislike you.

You can't completely separate the personal from the professional. We're all people, and obviously you want to have good relationships with the people you spend your days around.

But there has to be some separation.

“It's not always about having everybody like you.”

You can be respectful without being someone's friend. You can disagree without having a personal problem with someone. And someone can dislike you without that meaning you've done anything wrong.

The APA has also looked at friendships between coworkers and how personal expectations can sometimes conflict with the objectivity required at work. That's another reason I think it's important to remember that being a good coworker and being someone's friend aren't always the same thing.

Be Honest About Whether You Did Something

At the same time, "they just don't like me" shouldn't become an excuse to ignore your own behavior.

If there's tension with a coworker, it's worth thinking about whether something actually happened.

Did you interrupt them repeatedly in meetings? Did you take credit for something they contributed to? Did you change a process they created without involving them? Did you say something that came across differently than you intended?

Maybe the answer is no.

But I think there's value in asking yourself the question before immediately deciding the other person is the problem.

Sometimes you'll realize there was a misunderstanding you can clear up. Sometimes you'll realize you actually did something you should apologize for.

And sometimes you'll look at the situation and genuinely have no idea why they don't like you.

That's possible too.

The American Psychological Association's conflict-resolution framework starts with identifying the actual problem before considering possible solutions. That's a pretty useful way to approach a workplace conflict too: figure out what's actually happening before reacting to it.

Stay Professional Even If They Don't

The worst thing you can probably do is allow someone's dislike of you to change the way you behave at work.

Don't start talking shit about them to everybody else. Don't send something stupid about them on Slack. Don't intentionally leave them off emails. Don't try to get other coworkers to take your side.

You're probably just making the situation bigger.

If there's a genuine issue, keep your communication professional and focused on the work.

That protects you and makes it much easier to explain what's happening if the situation ever becomes something your manager needs to know about.

And professionalism matters beyond dealing with difficult coworkers. In How Do You Stand Out At Work, I talk about how being reliable, communicative, and easy to trust tends to matter more professionally than trying to constantly impress people.

The same thing applies here.

You don't have to win an argument with your coworker. You want to be the person who continues handling the situation well.

Keep Important Things in Writing

This is something I think is important at work generally, but it becomes especially useful when you're dealing with a difficult coworker.

Get important things in writing.

If someone gives you an important direction verbally, follow up afterward. It can be as simple as:

“Just wanted to confirm our convo about…”

You're not doing this because you're trying to build a case against somebody.

You're doing it because having a record creates clarity.

If there's ever disagreement later about what someone asked you to do, when something was due, or who was responsible for what, you aren't relying entirely on two people's memories of a conversation.

Don't Let One Person Ruin Your Job

This might be the most important part.

If nine people at your job are great and one person doesn't like you, don't allow that one person to become your entire experience of working there.

It's really easy to do.

You can have a completely normal day, get along with everyone, do good work, and then have one weird interaction with that coworker. Suddenly that's the only thing you're thinking about when you get home.

Try not to give one person's opinion that much power.

There are probably people at work whose opinion you should care about. Your manager's feedback matters. The people directly affected by your work matter. Coworkers you respect can probably teach you something.

But not every person's opinion deserves the same amount of weight.

This is one of the larger things I've learned about starting your career too. In Career Advice Every 20-Something Needs to Hear, I talk about focusing on learning, improving, and becoming more valuable instead of expecting yourself to have everything figured out.

Dealing with difficult people is unfortunately part of learning how to work too.

Know When to Talk to Your Manager

There are also situations where ignoring the problem isn't enough.

If someone's behavior is consistently affecting your work, you might eventually need to talk to your manager.

I wouldn't frame that conversation as, "This person doesn't like me."

Focus on what's actually happening.

Explain the behavior, how it's affecting your ability to do your job, and what you've already tried to do to resolve it. Keep it about the work instead of trying to convince your boss that the other person is terrible.

That's a much different conversation than complaining that somebody is mean to you.

And if the situation involves harassment, discrimination, threats, retaliation, or another serious workplace issue, that's beyond a normal personality conflict and may need to be escalated through the appropriate channels at your company.

You Don't Have to Win Them Over

I think there's a natural instinct when someone doesn't like you to want to change their mind.

You want to figure out what happened. You want to prove you're actually a good person. You want them to finally realize they were wrong about you.

But sometimes that isn't going to happen.

And that's okay.

“Not everybody has to like you.”

You can still be polite. You can still say good morning. You can still help them when the job requires it. You can still communicate clearly and treat them respectfully.

You just don't need to spend all of your energy trying to turn them into your biggest fan.

And Here's The Thing

You're going to work with a lot of different people throughout your career.

Some of them will become actual friends. Some you'll really respect. Some you'll probably forget about six months after leaving the company.

And some of them just won't like you.

Your job isn't to make every person you encounter think you're great.

Your job is to show up, treat people well, do good work, learn from the feedback that's actually useful, and get better at what you do.

If you've genuinely done something wrong, own it and try to fix it.

But if you've been respectful, professional, and good at your job and somebody still doesn't like you?

You might just have to let them not like you.

Frequently Asked Questions

What should you do if a coworker doesn't like you?

Stay professional, focus on your work, and don't make winning them over your goal. If their behavior isn't affecting your job, you may not need to do anything at all.

Should you confront a coworker who doesn't like you?

Not necessarily. If there's a specific conflict or misunderstanding, a calm conversation can help. But you don't need to confront someone simply because you get the feeling they don't like you.

How do you deal with a difficult coworker professionally?

Keep communication clear, stay respectful, document important conversations, and focus on the actual work rather than making the conflict personal.

When should you tell your boss about a difficult coworker?

Talk to your manager when the coworker's behavior consistently interferes with your ability to do your job or you've tried to resolve the problem and it continues.

Is it normal for coworkers not to like each other?

Yes. You're not going to connect with everyone you work with. What's more important is whether you can still communicate, collaborate, and treat each other professionally.