One piece of career advice I see online all the time is some version of this:

Don't overshare at work. Don't get too personal with your coworkers.

And I agree with it.

Kind of.

I absolutely think there are things you shouldn't tell everyone you work with. Your office doesn't need to know every detail about your dating life, your problems with your friends, your family drama, or what you really think about every person at the company.

But I also think you can take this advice way too far.

You don't need to walk into work every day and become a completely different person.

If someone asks how your weekend was, you don't have to say, "Good," and immediately return to your computer.

There's a middle ground.

And I think that's where most of us should probably be.

You Can Be Personal Without Oversharing

This is the distinction I think gets lost when people tell you to keep your personal and professional lives completely separate.

You can talk about yourself.

You can tell your coworkers you have a girlfriend. You can talk about the date you went on. You can tell them you're going away with your friends this weekend. You can talk about the show you're watching, the concert you went to, the restaurant you tried, or the fact that you've become weirdly obsessed with pickleball.

That's normal conversation.

Those are also the things that help you actually get to know the people you spend eight or nine hours a day with.

The line is different for everyone, but I think a good rule is:

Share enough that people can know you without feeling like they need to know everything about you.

Your Coworkers Don't Need to Know Everything

There's a difference between saying you went on a date Saturday night and spending 45 minutes telling your entire team every detail about what happened.

There's a difference between telling a coworker you're frustrated about something and telling six people exactly what you think about your boss.

There's a difference between being open and treating your workplace like a group chat.

“You don't need to tell everybody everything and you shouldn't tell everybody everything.”

That's probably the simplest way I can put it.

Before you share something personal at work, ask yourself whether you'd be comfortable with that information getting beyond the person you're telling.

Because it might.

That's not necessarily because your coworkers are bad people. People talk. Something gets mentioned to somebody else. That person mentions it to someone else.

Suddenly, something you thought you told one person privately isn't particularly private anymore.

You don't need to become paranoid about that.

Just know what you're comfortable having other people know.

Some Coworkers Really Can Become Close Friends

The other extreme of this advice is pretending that you should never trust anybody you work with.

I don't agree with that either.

Sometimes you meet people at work who become real friends.

You're spending an enormous amount of time together. You're dealing with the same stressful situations. You're sitting in the same meetings. You're going through the same company changes.

Of course you're going to become close to some people.

“The exception to this rule is your one or two close coworker friends, and the rule goes for everybody else.”

I think that's a much more realistic way to think about it.

You might have one or two people at work who you genuinely trust. Maybe you start hanging out outside of work. Maybe eventually they're not really a "work friend" anymore. They're just your friend.

You can obviously share more with those people.

But I wouldn't automatically give everyone you work with that same level of trust just because you sit near each other.

Relationships take time.

Let them develop.

Personal Conversations Can Actually Make Work Better

I don't want this to become an article telling you to go into the office every day terrified of revealing anything about yourself.

Because that sounds miserable.

Part of what makes work enjoyable is the people.

Talking about things that have absolutely nothing to do with your job can make an otherwise boring day significantly better.

Maybe you and a coworker watch the same show.

Maybe you both love the same team.

Maybe you're both dating and comparing terrible dating stories.

Maybe you both go to the gym before work.

Those little connections matter.

The American Psychological Association has highlighted positive relationships, belonging, and psychological safety as important parts of healthier workplaces.

You don't build relationships by refusing to tell anybody anything about yourself.

You build them by gradually getting to know each other.

Be More Careful When You're Talking About Work at Work

This is where I think the boundaries should become much stronger.

Talking about your weekend is one thing.

Talking about your boss is another.

You might be incredibly frustrated with your manager. You might think a coworker is terrible at their job. You might be considering leaving. You might have just gotten feedback that pissed you off.

Be careful who you tell.

That doesn't mean you can never talk about these things. Having a trusted coworker who understands the situation can be incredibly helpful.

But understand the risk.

The coworker you complain about today might be working with the person you complained about tomorrow.

The person you're venting to could eventually become your manager.

People change teams. People get promoted. Relationships change.

If you're dealing with an actual workplace problem, How Do I Talk To Coworkers Without Feeling Awkward? gets deeper into how to handle conflict without allowing it to become unnecessary office drama.

Remember That Slack Isn't Your Group Chat

This is another thing I think everyone needs to remember.

Your company Slack is not your personal text thread.

Neither is your work email.

Neither is your company computer.

“Everything on your company computer is and can be tracked by your company.”

That doesn't mean somebody from HR is sitting there reading every joke you send your coworker.

It means you should remember that these are company systems.

I don't think you need to be scared to send your coworker a funny Slack.

Just use common sense.

If you'd be completely fucked if your boss saw the message, maybe don't send it through a company-owned platform.

Don't Confuse Feedback With a Personal Attack

There's another version of keeping your personal and professional lives separate that has nothing to do with what you tell your coworkers.

It's how you receive feedback.

This was something I had to learn.

When somebody criticizes work you've done, it's incredibly easy to hear:

You're bad at your job.

But that's not necessarily what they're saying.

“The feedback can be just about your work and a criticism of the way you work or what you're doing or what you have done.”

That's an important distinction.

Maybe the presentation needs to be better.

Maybe you misunderstood the assignment.

Maybe your boss wants you to communicate differently.

Maybe you actually did mess something up.

That doesn't automatically make the criticism a judgment of you as a person.

Separating those two things makes receiving feedback a lot easier.

And if you're still figuring out how to navigate bosses, coworkers, and all of the other strange unwritten rules of having a job, The Internet's Work Advice, Explored covers more of the lessons I think are actually useful when you're starting out.

Your Boundaries Can Change Depending on the Person

I don't think there's one universal list of things you're allowed to tell coworkers.

Context matters.

You've known one coworker for three years and hang out with them every weekend?

That's different from someone who joined your team last Tuesday.

You're talking privately to somebody you trust?

That's different from telling a story in front of your entire department.

You're talking about a harmless dating story?

That's different from discussing confidential information about another employee.

You have to read the situation.

The Harvard Business Review has written about the importance of establishing workplace boundaries based on your own needs and communicating them clearly.

I think the same idea applies to how much of yourself you share.

You don't need the exact same boundary with every person.

You Don't Have to Be Best Friends With Your Coworkers

This is especially important if you're starting your first job.

You might feel like you're supposed to become friends with everybody.

You aren't.

It is great if you genuinely like the people you work with. Having work friends can make your job significantly more enjoyable.

But the primary requirement is that you can work together.

That's it.

You can have a great professional relationship with somebody without ever seeing them on a Saturday night.

You can respect someone without telling them about your dating life.

You can enjoy talking to somebody at work without inviting them into every part of your life.

“You're there to do work, to get your job done, to hopefully excel at your job.”

That's worth remembering.

If friendships come out of it too, that's a bonus.

Figure Out Your Own Line

I think everybody eventually develops their own boundaries at work.

Maybe you're naturally an open person and feel comfortable sharing more.

Maybe you're incredibly private.

Neither is necessarily wrong.

The important thing is being intentional about it.

Don't share something because you feel pressured to.

Don't hide everything because some career TikToker told you coworkers can never be trusted.

Figure out what feels right for you.

If you're early in your career and still trying to understand how you're supposed to navigate all of this, What Nobody Tells You About Finding Your First Job gets into some of the other things you end up learning only after you start working.

And Here's The Thing

I don't think the best career advice is never get personal at work.

I think it's know when to get personal, what to share, and who you're sharing it with.

Tell your coworkers about your weekend.

Talk about the person you're dating.

Tell them you're excited about the concert you're going to.

Make friends.

Have fun.

Work is already work. You don't need to make it more miserable by refusing to connect with the people around you.

But keep some things for yourself.

Be especially careful when you're talking about your boss, coworkers, company, or frustrations with your job.

And remember that trust isn't automatic just because you share an office.

You don't have to tell everybody everything.

You also don't have to tell everybody nothing.

Find the middle.

Frequently Asked Questions

Should you share your personal life with coworkers?

Yes, if you're comfortable. Sharing parts of your life can help you build relationships, but you don't need to tell coworkers everything.

What should you avoid telling coworkers?

Be especially careful with sensitive personal information, workplace gossip, complaints about coworkers or managers, and anything you wouldn't want repeated.

Is it okay to be friends with coworkers?

Absolutely. Coworkers can become genuine friends, but trust should develop naturally rather than being assumed immediately.

Can your employer see your Slack messages?

Depending on the company's systems and policies, workplace communications may be accessible to an employer. Treat company platforms as professional spaces.

How personal is too personal at work?

A good test is whether you'd be comfortable with the information being known beyond the person you're telling. If the answer is no, consider keeping it private.