How Do You Actually Negotiate Your Salary?

Nobody really teaches you how to negotiate your salary.

You’re somehow just expected to know how to walk into a room, confidently explain your value, ask for more money, and not completely panic while doing it.

And honestly, a lot of guys assume everyone else feels more confident about this than they actually do.

They don’t.

Most people are nervous during negotiations.

Most people rehearse conversations in their head twenty times beforehand.

Most people leave the room replaying everything they should’ve said differently.

That’s normal.

One of the things I talked about in this Dear Guyset episode is how negotiation feels intimidating because people assume confidence is supposed to come naturally.

But confidence usually comes after experience.

Not before it.

That’s true for dating.

It’s true for interviews.

And it’s definitely true for salary negotiations.

The Biggest Mistake People Make Is Walking In Emotionally Instead Of Practically

A lot of people negotiate based on feelings.

“I just feel like I deserve more.”

“I work really hard.”

“I’ve been here a long time.”

And while those things might all be true, they’re usually not the strongest way to make your case.

The people approving raises are thinking about value.

How have you helped the company?

What problems have you solved?

What projects improved because of you?

How did your work impact the business?

That’s the shift.

The strongest negotiations are usually built around evidence, not emotion.

That doesn’t mean becoming robotic.

It just means understanding your contribution clearly enough to explain it confidently.

One of the best lines from the episode was:

“The best way to prove your worth is to show what you’ve done.”

That’s really the entire negotiation.

Not just saying you deserve more.

Actually being able to explain why.

A lot of people struggle with this because they only see their own small role inside the company.

But every role exists for a reason.

And once you understand how your work actually affects the bigger picture, it becomes much easier to advocate for yourself.

You Need Specific Examples

One of the best things you can do before negotiating is prepare actual examples of your work.

Not vague statements.

Specific things.

Projects you improved.

Ideas you contributed.

Problems you solved.

Responsibilities you took on.

Ways you made someone else’s job easier.

A lot of people walk into negotiations talking generally about effort instead of specifically about impact.

That’s usually where negotiations become weaker.

Because effort is subjective.

Results are easier to defend.

And honestly, even preparing these examples helps psychologically because it forces you to actually recognize your own value instead of minimizing it.

That’s something a lot of people struggle with professionally.

Especially early in their careers.

I wrote more about that in Why Do I Feel Behind In My 20s?, because a huge part of your 20s is learning how to recognize your own growth before other people validate it for you.

Most People Feel Uncomfortable Asking For More

There’s also this weird myth that confident people naturally love negotiating.

Not true.

A lot of people hate it.

Especially early on.

Because asking for more money feels personal.

It forces you to directly attach value to yourself and your work.

That’s uncomfortable for almost everybody.

And honestly, guys feel a strange pressure around this specifically.

Like they’re supposed to naturally know how to walk into a room, slam their hand on the table, and demand more money confidently.

Real life usually doesn’t look like that.

Most negotiations are awkward.

Most people are anxious.

Most people feel underprepared.

That doesn’t mean you’re bad at it.

It means you’re doing something uncomfortable.

There’s a moment in the episode where I say:

“Most people do not know how to do this.”

Honestly, I think more people need to hear that.

Because people walk into negotiations assuming everyone else naturally understands how to advocate for themselves professionally.

Most people are figuring it out in real time.

Research from Harvard Business Review has shown that many professionals consistently undervalue their own contributions during negotiations, especially early in their careers.

Preparation Creates Confidence

One thing that actually does help confidence is preparation.

Knowing what value you bring, what comparable salaries look like, what projects you’ve impacted, what responsibilities you’ve taken on, and what your goals are makes the conversation much easier.

The more clearly you understand your own work, the less emotional the conversation becomes.

That’s also why interview preparation and negotiation preparation overlap so much.

In both situations, you’re learning how to communicate your value clearly.

That’s something I also talked more about in The Professional Skills Nobody Really Teaches You, because so much of adulthood comes down to communication, self-advocacy, and learning how to present yourself confidently without feeling fake.

According to Glassdoor, employees who research market salaries and prepare specific examples before negotiations are significantly more likely to receive better compensation outcomes.

Confidence Usually Comes After The First Few Awkward Experiences

This is true about almost everything in adulthood.

The first negotiation feels terrifying.

The first interview feels terrifying.

The first difficult professional conversation feels terrifying.

And then eventually you survive it.

That’s how confidence actually gets built.

Not through motivational quotes.

Not through pretending you’re fearless.

Through repetition.

Through seeing yourself survive uncomfortable situations.

One of the most honest parts of the episode was this:

“The first few, you are not going to feel confident.”

That’s important.

Because a lot of people wait to feel confident before they ask for more.

Usually it works the opposite way.

You ask first.

Then confidence comes later.

That’s why putting yourself in uncomfortable professional situations matters so much.

Even if the negotiation doesn’t go perfectly.

Even if you stumble over your words.

Even if you leave the room wishing you said things differently.

That experience still matters.

Because the next conversation becomes easier.

And the one after that becomes easier too.

I also wrote more about that feeling of uncertainty and trying to catch up professionally in The Quiet Pressure To Already Know What You’re Doing.

The Goal Isn’t Perfection. It’s Self-Advocacy

A lot of people approach negotiations like they need to deliver the perfect speech.

You don’t.

You just need to clearly explain your value.

That’s it.

And honestly, learning how to advocate for yourself professionally is one of the most important skills you develop in your 20s.

Because nobody else is going to fully build your career for you.

At some point, you have to become comfortable explaining why your work matters.

Not arrogantly.

Not aggressively.

Just honestly.

That’s the real skill.

According to The American Psychological Association, repeated exposure to stressful professional situations is one of the biggest ways people gradually build confidence and emotional resilience at work.

FAQ

How do you negotiate your salary confidently?
Preparation matters more than natural confidence. Knowing your value, your contributions, and specific examples of your work makes negotiations much easier.

What should you say when asking for a raise?
Focus on impact. Explain the projects you’ve contributed to, the responsibilities you’ve taken on, and the value you bring to the company.

Why does salary negotiation feel so uncomfortable?
Because it forces people to directly advocate for their own value, which most people were never really taught how to do.

Should you negotiate salary early in your career?
Yes. Learning how to advocate for yourself professionally is an important skill, even if the first few conversations feel awkward.

Does confidence come naturally during negotiations?
Usually not. Most confidence comes after experience and repetition, not before.