I talk about my recent experience with commitment in a new relationship and why I think vulnerability is one of our biggest strengths. This is one of the realest solo episodes I’ve done in a while.

Why Vulnerability Is Your Secret Weapon in Dating (And How to Stop Being a Commitment-Phobe)

The Power of Gen Z's "Oversharing" Generation

We're called the oversharing generation, and honestly? That might be our superpower.

While previous generations kept their struggles private, Gen Z has access to TikTok, Instagram, and platforms where we can share real experiences with anyone willing to listen. Yes, it's scary as hell, but it's also incredible.

I've been seeing videos of people sharing their experiences with anxiety, depression, and mental health challenges in 10-minute TikToks that are basically mini-podcasts. This is social media at its best - real people sharing vulnerable stories that help others feel less alone.

The takeaway: Vulnerability isn't weakness. It's one of the biggest strengths you can develop, especially when it comes to dating and relationships.

My Commitment-Phobe Confession

Let me be completely honest with you: I think I'm a bit of a commitment-phobe. Not exactly an attractive label to put on myself, but if we're going to talk about what should be talked about, this is it.

I've been seeing this girl for a while now, and I've been holding myself back from taking it to the next step because of several fears:

• Fear of it not working out and us becoming exes who never speak again

• Fear of not being able to commit the time and energy a real relationship requires

• Overall fear of failure and things just not working out

Sound familiar? If you've ever found yourself in relationship limbo, wondering "what are we?" while being afraid to find out, you're not alone.

The Confusing World of Modern Dating

Let's talk about how unnecessarily complicated we've made dating as a generation:

1. Hooking up and texting phase

2. "Seeing each other" phase

3. Situationship territory (you're going on dates but not "officially" dating)

4. Exclusive but not dating (because you haven't had "the talk" yet)

5. Finally official (the "will you be my girlfriend/boyfriend" conversation)

Why have we done this to ourselves? It's confusing, anxiety-inducing, and creates unnecessary complications.

The Key Insight: Don't Let Process Get in the Way of Progress

Here's what I learned: You don't have to follow every single "phase" of modern dating. It's your timeline and your relationship - not your last relationship, not their last relationship, not what you see on social media.

If the Marvel Cinematic Universe approach to dating (Phase 1, Phase 2, Phase 3, Phase 4) doesn't work for you, skip it. Do what feels right for both of you.

When You Know It's Right: The Feeling Test

People always ask: "How do you know when you're ready for a relationship?" The answer is different for everyone, but here's how I describe it:

You know it's right when:

• You're thinking about them in the morning, during work, and before bed

• You miss them when they're not around

• Plans become less about "what fun thing will we do?" and more about "when do I get to see them?"

• It doesn't really matter what you do together - you just want to be together

• The conversation flows well, but when there are silences, they're comfortable

That last point is crucial. Early dating is about sparky conversation - back and forth like lighting a sparkler. But as things progress, the real test is feeling comfortable in the quiet moments.

The Commitment Readiness Checklist

Before jumping into anything official, I believe you should be ready to:

• Communicate openly and honestly

• Make yourself available emotionally and practically

• Sacrifice other commitments when necessary

• Commit your time and energy to that person

Is it leading someone on if you're not sure yet? I actually think it's more mature to make sure you're ready to commit before you actually do. Taking your time is a sign of respect - both for yourself and the other person.

The Two Sides of the Commitment Coin

Every relationship involves both confidence and anxiety, trust and doubt, belief and fear. Think of it like a coin:

• Heads: Confidence, trust, belief

• Tails: Anxiety, doubt, fear

Both sides will always exist, but the coin should land on heads more often than tails when you're ready to commit. You need confidence, trust, and belief that this is going to work and you're going to give it your best shot.

The Vulnerability Conversation That Changes Everything

Here's the scary but necessary part: you need to have an honest, pour-your-heart-out conversation with the person you're seeing.

This means saying things like:

• "I really like you, but I'm not sure about the next step"

• "I don't want to mess this up"

• "I'm afraid of committing and hurting what we have"

• "I don't know if you feel the same way I do"

Why this conversation matters: How they respond will tell you everything you need to know about them as a person. Their reaction reveals more than all your worries and fears combined.

The Art of Spending Time with Your Thoughts

Before having that vulnerable conversation, you need to process your own feelings. We don't give ourselves enough time to just think.

Between work, social media, family, friends, plans, gym, laundry, doctor's appointments (seriously, when's the last time you went to the dentist?), we're constantly distracted.

Try these strategies:

• Journaling: Write out your thoughts every night. Don't read them back - just get them out of your head and onto paper

• Solo walks: Give yourself time to think without distractions

• Talk to friends: Find someone who's experienced something similar

The truth: In your gut, you already know how you're feeling and what you want to do next. The goal is just getting clear on those feelings.

Why Vulnerability Is Your Dating Superpower

Vulnerability is giving someone the key to unlock your lock. If you're going to commit to someone, don't you want them to see the real you? The unsure, uncertain part that you usually keep hidden?

It may not be the most attractive or exciting version of yourself, but it's the most real you have.

The vulnerability test: If sharing your deepest thoughts and fears comes easier with one person than others, that's a good sign they're worth keeping around.

The Reality Check: Nobody Has It All Figured Out

Here's the honest truth: I'm 24 years old and I don't know what I'm doing most of the time. I don't think anybody is ever fully certain about relationships.

What I can do:

• Learn from experiences

• Grow from mistakes

• Build confidence through trial and error

• Be vulnerable and honest about my feelings

• Try to be nicer to myself about the uncertainty

It's okay to not be completely sure. I think it's almost impossible to be fully sure about any relationship. But as long as the coin lands on confidence and trust more often than anxiety and doubt, you're in a good place to start.

The Modern Dating Mindset Shift

Instead of getting caught up in labels and phases, focus on:

Communication over classification: Talk about how you're feeling rather than worrying about what to call your relationship

Quality time over status updates: Focus on enjoying each other's company rather than making it Instagram official

Personal readiness over social pressure: Move at your own pace, not what you think you're "supposed" to do

Vulnerability over perfection: Share your real thoughts and feelings instead of trying to appear like you have it all figured out

Taking Action: Your Next Steps

1. Get clear on your feelings: Spend time journaling or talking through your thoughts about the person you're seeing

2. Assess your readiness: Can you communicate openly, make yourself available, and commit time and energy?

3. Have the vulnerable conversation: Share your honest feelings, fears, and hopes with the other person

4. Listen to their response: How they react will tell you everything you need to know

5. Trust your gut: You already know what feels right - now act on it

The Bottom Line

Dating is all about trying and giving it your best effort. You're going to figure it out as you go, learn from mistakes, and hopefully grow from both the successes and failures.

Nobody expects you to have all the answers at 24 (or any age). What matters is being honest about your feelings, communicating openly, and being brave enough to be vulnerable with someone who might be worth it.

The vulnerability paradox: The very act of sharing your uncertainty and fears often brings the clarity and confidence you were looking for in the first place.

Remember: it's normal to be nervous, it's normal to have doubts, and it's normal to feel anxiety about commitment. What's not normal is letting those feelings paralyze you from trying.

Why This Matters for Your Generation

As the "oversharing generation," we have a unique opportunity to normalize real conversations about dating, commitment, and relationships. By being honest about our fears and uncertainties, we can help others feel less alone in their own struggles.

Your vulnerability might be exactly what someone else needs to hear to feel normal about their own dating anxiety or commitment fears.

So share your story, have those difficult conversations, and remember that your uncertainty is not a flaw - it's proof that you care enough to want to get it right.

Struggling with dating anxiety or commitment fears? You're not alone. Listen to new episodes of Guyset every Tuesday on your favorite podcast platform for more real talk about navigating relationships in your twenties. Sign up for the weekly newsletter at guyset.com, email josh@guyset.com with your questions, or connect with us @theguyset on social media.

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