This episode was inspired by a question from a listener who DMed me on Instagram (@theguyset) and asked for advice on how to meet people and make friends after moving to a new city. The episode features the first-ever Guyset phone call-in to my friend Adam Graff who moved to a new city knowing really no one else last year after college. Since he has personal experience with this topic, I wanted to hear how he met people and made friends in a new city and what advice he has for anyone in the audience going through a similar experience. He had so much good advice that this solo episode became a feature with him since the phone call is literally half the episode lol. I also add my own advice after the call. Let me know what you think and if you've got other advice to add! 

How to Make Friends in a New City: Real Strategies That Actually Work

This episode came from a listener who asked: "I love your advice on meeting girls, but how do I meet boys? Not romantically - I need to make friends in a new city where I know absolutely nobody." Here's everything you need to know about building genuine friendships from scratch.

Moving to a new city after college is one of the hardest social challenges you'll face. In college, you made friends just by being in proximity - dorm halls, classes, clubs, mutual friends. But when you know no one in a new place, the question becomes: what the fuck do I do?

One listener perfectly captured this struggle: "You either move with people you know, or you don't. Looking to meet girls is hard, but it's socially acceptable that it's hard. Nobody ever talks about it being hard to meet guys, and it's socially weird to walk up to a guy you don't know."

This is exactly why we need to talk about this. Here are proven strategies from someone who actually lived through it, plus additional methods that work.

Real Talk from Someone Who Did It: Adam's Story

I called my friend Adam, who moved to Delaware knowing only his roommate (a mutual acquaintance from work). He had to build an entire social circle from scratch over the course of a year. Here's exactly how he did it.

The Game Bar Strategy That Works

Adam's breakthrough moment: He found an outdoor bar next to his apartment with cornhole and axe throwing - basically shipping containers with cheap drinks that closed around 11 PM, perfect for pregaming.

His approach: "I saw this guy and a girl sitting at a table, and I asked my roommate if we wanted to go ask them to play cornhole. Cornhole worked out great because you and your friend are on opposite sides, which gives you like half an hour to talk to that other person."

Why this works: You have a natural activity to focus on, reducing awkwardness. If the conversation isn't flowing, you can move on without it being weird. If it's going well, you can suggest continuing the night elsewhere.

The reality check: This wasn't instant friendship. They had a great night, the new friends reached out the next weekend for bowling, then Adam didn't hear from them for two weeks. It took 2-3 months of consistent effort to build real friendships.

The Follow-Up System

Group chat creation: Adam made a group chat with his roommate and the two new friends, but it was only active Thursday/Friday nights when they were planning weekend activities.

Pregaming strategy: "We invited them over for a pregame because none of us really had a group of friends. So we just drank and played drinking games to Jeopardy while sober, having one or two beers, then going out from there."

Key insight: Do activities where you're not already drunk. This creates stronger first impressions and ensures you remember conversations well enough to follow up.

The Mental Game: Staying Positive Through Rejection

The hardest part: "Going out on Friday and Saturday nights without any friends. You go out, don't make friends for the first week, second week, third week, and I can see how people would get really down."

Adam's mindset: "You kind of have to step out of your comfort zone. You're not going to meet people if you're not stepping out of your comfort zone to do that."

Dealing with bad nights: "If a night doesn't go well and you're stressed out, the next day do something that makes you happy. Me and my roommate would go golfing after meeting no friends because we were like 'Last night sucked, we talked to 10 people, bought five people drinks, and didn't get anyone's number.'"

The reality: "You're trading an opportunity to meet people to sit inside and watch a movie. That's the decision you're making at the end of the day."

Workplace Connections: Your Secret Weapon

The Direct Approach

My strategy with coworkers: I identified someone my age at work and asked him to dinner. We went to Lucali, a BYOB pizza place in Brooklyn with a 4-hour wait. What could have been awkward turned into one of my best friendships because we got genuinely honest about relationships, work, our bosses, and what we really thought about everything.

The key: Be real and vulnerable. Talk about actual life stuff - past relationships, career thoughts, what you're struggling with. If you're genuine, they'll be genuine back.

Company Leagues and Activities

Join everything: Most companies have flag football, softball, pickleball, or other leagues. Adam joined his company's flag football team and met younger guys, though he discovered their interests (rock climbing every weekend) didn't align with his.

External leagues: Look for things like Volo in NYC - an intramural league organizer where companies compete against each other. I joined a pickleball league through work and regularly play with coworkers and their friends now.

Activity-Based Friend Making

The Foundation Principle

Start with genuine interests: Write down your actual hobbies and interests, then look for groups centered around those activities. When you're somewhere you genuinely want to be, doing something you enjoy, you'll find people there for the same reason - instant common ground.

Specific Strategies That Work

Running/Walking Clubs: I went to an entrepreneurial walk on the West Side Highway where 50 people gathered Friday mornings. Everyone pitched what they were working on, and I connected with several people. One guy even invited me to his birthday party after a 20-minute conversation.

Facebook Groups: Search "[Your City] + [Activity]" to find established groups. Don't try to start something new when you can join existing communities.

Frequent a Location: Become a regular at a coffee shop, bookstore, gym, or anywhere you genuinely want to spend time. Familiarity breeds opportunity for natural conversations.

The Gym: Ask people about their routines, request spots, or just make friendly conversation. You already have fitness as common ground.

The "Guy Flirting" Reality

As Adam's friend pointed out: "You're kind of guy flirting with these people." This is true, and it's not weird. Making friends as adults requires the same energy as dating - you're putting yourself out there, being charming, showing interest in someone's life, and hoping for mutual connection.

The approach: Walk up to people and say "How are you guys doing? Do you want to play a game of cornhole?" Then transition to basic conversations - where are you from, where'd you go to college, do you know this person, how'd you decide on this apartment?

Age Flexibility Matters

Don't limit yourself to exact age matches: Adam found friends ranging from 23-27, not just 23. Out of college, the 22-30 range is all dealing with similar life phases - some single, some in relationships, some getting engaged, but all navigating early career and adult life.

Common ground exists across those years: Career questions, relationship dynamics, living situations, weekend activities - you're all figuring out similar stuff.

The Long Game Strategy

Realistic Timeline Expectations

It takes time: Adam didn't meet his second friend group until 4-5 months into living in Delaware. The first group took 2-3 months to develop into real friendships.

Patience is crucial: Don't expect instant results. You're building something from nothing, which is inherently slow.

Maintaining Momentum

Weekly planning: Start reaching out Wednesday/Thursday about weekend plans. Don't wait until Friday night to make something happen.

Be the initiator: Text people "What are you doing this Friday?" or "Want to meet up for a pregame before going out?"

Combine groups: Eventually Adam introduced his cornhole friends to his work friends, creating a larger social circle.

Leveraging Your Past

College connections: Look up people from your school who might be in your new city. Check LinkedIn for people at similar companies. Even if you weren't close in college, shared background creates instant connection.

Don't overlook older connections: Adam randomly ran into a fraternity brother three years older at Wawa who had an established friend group. That became his second social circle.

Research your move: Ask real estate agents if other young people live in your building. Adam chose a family-oriented building by accident when he could have been in a more social environment.

What Doesn't Work

Dancey clubs: These are places to go once you have friends, not places to make friends. You can't have real conversations over loud music.

Staying in when it's raining: You're literally trading opportunities to meet people for Netflix. Force yourself out even when you don't feel like it.

Getting too drunk: You want to make good first impressions and remember conversations well enough to follow up. Stay at a level where you can have fun but remain sharp.

Giving up after bad nights: Everyone has nights where they talk to 10 people and get zero numbers. That's normal, not a reflection of your worth as a person.

The Support System Reality

Lean on existing friends: You're not a failure if you can't make new friends immediately. Stay connected to your college friends for emotional support while building new connections.

It's not about you: If someone doesn't respond or a potential friendship doesn't develop, it's not because you're unlikeable. It might just not be the right fit.

Keep perspective: You have friends somewhere who care about you. You're just expanding your circle, not starting from zero self-worth.

Getting Started This Week

Choose your method: Pick the approach that feels most comfortable - workplace connections, activity-based groups, or the bar strategy. Don't try everything at once.

Be genuinely interested: When you meet someone, really listen to their story and share yours honestly. Vulnerability creates connection.

Follow up consistently: If you meet someone interesting, reach out within a few days about specific plans.

Stay positive: This process is hard for everyone. The people who succeed are the ones who keep showing up despite awkward nights and slow progress.

The Bottom Line

Making friends as an adult requires intentional effort. Unlike college where proximity created relationships, you now have to actively seek out people and situations. But the friendships you build through shared interests and genuine effort often become stronger than those formed by circumstance.

The people who succeed at this aren't necessarily more charismatic or outgoing - they're just more persistent. They show up when they don't feel like it, they reach out when they're nervous, and they stay positive through the inevitable awkward phases.

Most importantly, you're not alone in struggling with this. Every person who's moved to a new city has felt exactly how you're feeling right now. The difference is whether you let that feeling paralyze you or motivate you to take action.

Going through this experience yourself? Share your stories and questions at josh@guyset.com or DM @theguyset on social media. We're all figuring this out together.

Send in any questions, things you want me to talk about, or things that should be talked about for guys in their 20s to josh@guyset.com and I'll actually make an episode on them like I did for this one!

Thank you for listening!

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See you next Tuesday.