On this week's episode, I recap my recent experience of feeling super awkward and not going up to talk to this girl at a bar and how to overcome that feeling. We have all probably felt this way at some point, we just don't talk about it. So, that's what I'm here to do. 

How to Talk to Girls at a Bar: A Guy's Honest Guide (From Someone Who Struggles Too)

Let's be real - talking to girls at bars is way harder than movies make it look. Here's an honest take on building confidence and actually starting conversations.

The Reality Check We All Need

Last weekend, I was out with friends at a bar when I spotted this really cute girl. Did I walk up and say hi? Nope. I stood there, overthinking every possible opening line, and ended up going home disappointed in myself. Sound familiar?

If you're like me and freeze up when you want to approach someone attractive at a bar, you're not alone. This isn't about having perfect pickup lines or being the smoothest guy in the room - it's about building the confidence to just say hello.

Why Talking to Girls at Bars Feels So Hard

The group factor: She's probably with friends, you might be with friends, and suddenly a simple "hi" feels like performing on stage.

Overthinking syndrome: Your brain goes into overdrive trying to craft the perfect opening line, when really, genuine conversation works better than any rehearsed script.

Fear of rejection: The worst-case scenario plays on repeat in your head, even though rejection isn't actually that bad.

Practical Tips That Actually Work

1. Read the Room (and the Group Size)

Avoid large groups: If she's with 4+ friends who seem focused on each other, it's probably not the right moment. They might just want a girls' night out.

Best case scenario: She's with 1-2 friends, and you have a wingman. This creates natural conversation flow without anyone feeling overwhelmed.

Solo approach: If she's alone or seems open to conversation (making eye contact, not glued to her phone), go for it.

2. Keep Your Opening Simple and Genuine

Forget pickup lines. Seriously. Instead, try:

• "Hey, how are you? I'm [name]. I thought you were really cute and wanted to say hi."

• "How'd you find this place?" (if you're at a unique spot)

• Simply introducing yourself and asking how their night is going

The key is being authentic. People can spot fake confidence from a mile away, but genuine interest is attractive.

3. Pay Attention to Body Language

Before approaching, look for signs someone's open to conversation:

• Making eye contact

• Smiling when you walk by

• Not completely turned away or deeply engaged with their group

• Standing in a way that's accessible (not huddled in a tight circle)

4. Have an Exit Strategy

If the conversation flows well, great! If not, have a polite way out:

• "It was nice meeting you. I'm going to get back to my friends."

• "Hope you have a great rest of your night."

No need to drag out an uncomfortable interaction.

What to Do When the Conversation is Going Well

Ask for Her Number

If you're vibing and the conversation feels natural, don't overthink it: "I've really enjoyed talking with you. Would you like to grab drinks sometime this week?"

Follow Up (But Don't Overthink It)

Wait a day or two, then send a simple text: "Hey [name], it was great meeting you on [day]. Would you be interested in grabbing dinner this Thursday at 7:30?"

Specific plans show you're serious, but keep it casual.

The Mindset Shift That Changes Everything

Here's what my roommate told me that completely changed my perspective: "You're thinking like the new guy on campus again."

When you're in a new city or situation, it's easy to feel like everyone else belongs more than you do. But here's the thing - if someone doesn't want to talk to you, why would you want to talk to them?

This isn't about chasing anyone or proving yourself. It's about finding people who are genuinely interested in getting to know you.

Building Confidence Through Practice

The truth? The only way to get better at talking to people at bars is by talking to people at bars.

You can think about it, plan it, and rehearse it, but nothing replaces actually doing it. Yes, you might face rejection. Yes, it might feel awkward at first. But every guy goes through this.

Start Small

• Practice making casual conversation with bartenders or people in line

• Go out with friends who can provide moral support

• Remember that most people are understanding if you're nervous

What Not to Do

Don't bring up astrology signs as flirty banter: Trust me on this one. Saying things like "I'm a Gemini so I flirt with everyone" isn't cute - it's annoying.

Don't take rejection personally: If someone's not interested, it has nothing to do with your worth as a person.

Don't overthink the approach: Sometimes simple really is better.

The Bottom Line

Talking to girls at bars isn't about having perfect game or never feeling nervous. It's about building the confidence to be yourself and start genuine conversations.

The worst thing that can happen? Someone says they're not interested. The best thing? You might meet someone amazing.

But you'll never know unless you try.

Your Turn

Next time you're out and see someone you'd like to meet, remember: they're probably just as nervous as you are. Take a deep breath, walk over, and say hi.

And if you have tips that have worked for you, or want to share your own stories (good or bad), hit me up at josh@guyset.com. We're all figuring this out together.

Want more honest advice about dating, confidence, and navigating your 20s? Check out more Guy's Set content at guyset.com and follow us @theguyset on Instagram.

Thank you for listening! Subscribe and follow the podcast on the app, give the episode 5 stars, and leave a review or comment!

Send in any questions, things you want me to talk about, or things that should be talked about for guys in their 20s to josh@guyset.com  

Click HERE to follow Guyset on TikTok

Click HERE to follow Guyset on Instagram

Click HERE to check out Guyset.com

See you next Tuesday.