Guyset Bookshelf #9: The defining Decade
I have always heard people say the time after you graduate can truly be one of the hardest in people’s lives. Friends move different directions, people go down different career paths and are making different amounts of money, people start and end relationships, move to different cities, move in with friends, make new friends, have less friends, hate their job, love their job, live at home, live alone.
After being on the same wavelength for the past four years, everyone is now on completely different boats. Sorry about that, that sucked.
This time is filled with uncertainty, comparison, self doubt, boredom, confusion, and so many other emotions most people didn’t have to deal with for the previous few years or didn’t think they’d have to no. That’s why people say this time is tough and that might even be an understatement. I get it now and this book defines why this time in your life is really so important from a psychological standpoint.
Guyset’s January Book of the Month is The Defining Decade-: Why Your 20s Matter– and How to Make The Most of Them Now by Meg Jay.
I decided to read this book because I remember my sister talking about it a year or so ago. I didn’t remember what she had to say but I wrote it down in my notes to come back to. I’ve said this before but I think books have a way of finding you when you need them or at the right time.
I recently wrote this post on Feeling Lost in Your 20s about how I found myself comparing to others situations with being in relationships and how it was weighing over all the other good things going on in my life right now.
It was how I was feeling then, not necessarily right now but I’m happy it’s out there to look back at and for someone else to see that it’s real to feel this way.
I started reading this book because I like guidance and advice. I want tips about where I’m currently at in my life and it felt like this book was directly talking to me and my age demographic, well, cause it was.
It felt similar to how I want this site to feel. Like I’m talking to you, because I honestly am (hope that doesn’t sound creepy, it wasn’t the intention.
Identity Capital
This was the term and part of the book that stuck with me the most. And I think it was the first part.
If you’ve never heard the term Identity Capital, it’s basically all the things you’ve done and all the experiences you’ve had that shape you into the person you are now. Jay talks about how your 20s are the best time to build your Identity Capital because you most likely don’t know what you want to do but you can start building skills and stories that will hopefully help you grow and help create in your story.
It’s the club you started at school, it’s your hobby you do in your free time, it’s the things you’ve started doing because you read a book that helped change your mindset. It’s what you do when no one is watching, what you doing while making sacrifices, who you are surrounding yourself with, who’s content you are consuming, what mentor you find at your job.
Your first job helps you build Identity Capital. It’s kind of like putting together the resume of your life’s experiences instead of just your jobs and skills you’ve learned. What you are learning about yourself while working at your 9 to 5 is helping build your identity capital.
I really loved this idea and apply it in my everyday life.
Planning
The author looks at your 20s as the time to start planning your life. The time to start figuring out what you’re interested in, what skills you have, and what you need to learn get to where you want to go.
I liked this outlook on your 20s. Instead of feeling stuck in your 20s, she reframes it to be a time to discover and plan and “live your life in real time.”
Instead of having an idea about something you want to do or a job you dream of, now is the time to explore those options and see what happens.
Your 20s are the time to do it now, not throw it to the future or “later.”
Uncertainty
One of my favorite quotes from the book was “the best part about being my age is knowing how my life worked out.”
The question always floats around, “will things work out for me?”
The author says that “the uncertainty behind this question is why being in your 20s is so difficult but also makes action while in your 20s so possible and necessary.”
Having lots of things unknown is “unsettling but it is also daunting to know what we are doing could be determining our future.”
This is the psychology behind why your 20s matter.
This time in your life is all about owning where you are at in your life and from there being intentional with your choices and relationships.
I know we all say this a lot but we truly do have unlimited resources at our fingertips. We can find out anything or learn how to do anything almost too quickly and the resources are endless.
The author says, “don’t be defined by what you didn’t know or didn’t do.”
Now, during this uncertain and confusing time in your life is when you get to learn the most about yourself and plan your future.
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