Why Guys Are Terrible at Texting Friends Back (And How to Actually Fix It)

My roommate Reid called himself out on something every guy knows too well:

"I do not follow up or not as much as I should with people that aren't New York. I have a good friend in DC, Virginia area, or Miami... definitely make sure you're still in contact with your buddies that aren't in your surrounding vicinity."

We all have those friends — the ones we care about but never actually reach out to. Weeks turn into months, months turn into “oh shit, I should probably text him.”

The Daily Routine That Kills Friendships

Reid nailed it when he described a typical day:

"Wake up, either go to the gym or go right to work. Then you make food, try to do something or watch TV, and then you go to bed."

Sound familiar? The daily routine eats up every hour. You’re working, working out, eating, recovering. By the time you have a free moment, your brain just wants quiet.

As I said during our conversation:

"The day gets in the way and then that day becomes Tuesday becomes Wednesday becomes Thursday. Then it's like, should I, I was supposed to text him a month ago and I didn't."

We all care. We just don’t hit send.

If this feels too real, read How to Build Your Inner Circle. It’s all about keeping the friendships that actually matter.

Why Guys Struggle With Staying in Touch

Reid and I agreed on one truth: “Guys are not good at following up.”

It’s not that we don’t care — it’s that we’ve been conditioned to handle things alone. Reaching out can feel like admitting you need something. And male friendships often rely on easy pick-up-where-you-left-off energy.

That’s great… until it turns into months of silence.

The Bathroom Scroll Solution

Here’s the fix I suggested, and it’s almost embarrassingly simple.

"There are so many moments during the day when we have a break from work and we’re flipping through TikTok or Instagram. Even when you’re in the bathroom — we’re all on our phones. What if instead of scrolling, you texted a friend you haven’t talked to in a while or called someone for seven minutes?"

Seven minutes. That’s it.

Reid laughed and said, “This is plenty of time. I don't know why you're laughing.”

He’s right. Seven minutes is all it takes.

The Seven-Minute Call

You don’t need to plan a full catch-up or an emotional conversation. Just seven minutes is enough to:

• Ask how they’re doing

• Share one update from your life

• Make a plan to talk again soon

• Remind them they matter to you

This tiny action has a massive return. You’ll feel better, they’ll feel remembered, and it might be the start of bringing old friendships back to life.

For more small shifts that change everything, read The Confidence Routine That Rebuilds You.

The Real Issue: Everyone Cares, Nobody Acts

Reid summed it up perfectly:

"We all care about what's going on. It's just... we just don't click that send button. It's not on our mind, or it's in the background."

Everyone wants to hear from their friends. Everyone appreciates the text. But everyone’s waiting for someone else to start. It’s a friendship standoff where everyone loses.

The Compound Effect of Staying in Touch

"Definitely make sure you're still in contact with your buddies that aren't in your surrounding vicinity because they're still your great buddies... make an effort to go see them or go on a trip with them."

When you keep in touch, everything else gets easier. Plans happen. Conversations stay natural. You actually know what’s going on in each other’s lives.

That consistency builds connection — and it’s what holds friendships together as life gets busier.

For more on keeping your twenties from falling apart, check out How Living Alone After College Changes You.

Your Next Seven Minutes

Before you close this tab, think of one friend you haven’t talked to in months. Someone you genuinely care about.

Now text them. Or call them. Right now.

You don’t need to say anything special. Just send:

“Hey man, was just thinking about you. How’s everything going?”

That’s it. One text. One call. Seven minutes.

As Reid said, “It’s just putting that little bit extra effort.”

Your friends want to hear from you. You want to hear from them. Stop waiting for the perfect time. The right time is now.

Listen to the Full Conversation

Hear the full conversation with Reid on the Guyset Podcast, available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.