How to Handle a Bad First Date Without Being an Asshole

Bad dates happen. The chemistry’s off. The conversation drags. You know within ten minutes this isn’t your person. But Luke’s rule is simple: if you invited them, you stay for the time you owe.

“If you ask somebody on a first date, like I think it’s just, you kind of owe them that time.”

It’s not about pretending there’s a spark when there isn’t. It’s about basic respect.

The One-Hour Rule

Luke’s philosophy is direct.

“If it’s not going well, like suck it up... Don’t be an asshole and just leave or something. Don’t make something up.”

An hour to an hour and a half. That’s the minimum time commitment when you’re the one who initiated the date. They took time out of their day, got ready, and met you halfway. The least you can do is give them a genuine effort.

It’s not about romance. It’s about courtesy.

The Bad Date Stories

Luke’s had his share.

“She just like kept talking over me, like asking me a question, I’d start to answer and then we just like start talking. Like I just could not talk and it felt like nervous to me... I kind of just gave up. Like I was just drinking my wine and letting her talk.”

He didn’t bail. He recognized what was happening.

“I think she was just nervous. She was the year below us. So I wouldn’t be surprised if it was one of her first dates in the city.”

Even when it’s awkward, Luke stays until the natural end. That’s decency — not attraction.

If you’ve ever been on a bad date yourself, you’ll relate to How to Stop Overthinking After a Breakup — it dives into handling emotional moments with calm instead of chaos.

The Disaster Date

His worst story?

“The waiter came over and asked if we wanted another bottle of wine... I was going to respond no we’re okay thank you but they said yes we’ll take another bottle. And I’m paying. By the way, she knew that you were paying.”

She cried about her ex the whole time. Luke didn’t storm out. He just finished the bottle, stayed polite, and walked her home.

That’s not weakness. That’s emotional control.

How to Handle a Bad Date Like an Adult

Even if the night’s a flop:

• Stay present. Don’t check your phone or zone out.

• Keep polite conversation going.

• Be kind to staff and your date.

• Let it end naturally.

Luke says, “I did it by finishing the bottle of wine... The waiter came back, was like, can we get the check?”

That’s the cue. No abrupt exits. Just let the night wind down.

When it’s time to go, do what Luke does.

“I’ll give them a hug. Great meeting you... get home safe or like, have a great rest of your night.”

That’s class.

What Not to Say

Luke’s honest about this part too.

“I go back and forth on this, like saying like, let’s do something again soon because especially if you know you’re not going to do something, like I think it’s fine to just say like, it great meeting you.”

Don’t fake future plans. Don’t lie to soften the ending. Just be kind and clear. “It was great meeting you” is enough.

For more on building honest communication, read The Confidence Routine That Rebuilds You.

When It’s Okay to Leave Early

Luke’s rule has limits. You can leave if the situation is disrespectful, unsafe, or genuinely uncomfortable.

Otherwise, honor the time.

“I think if you’ve done the hour, hour and a half long of first date, then I think you can, I mean, yeah, then from there you can make up any excuse to go home.”

If it’s been an hour and you know it’s not right, wrap it up politely:

“Hey, I should head out. Early morning tomorrow.”

Keep it simple. Keep it graceful.

Why This Actually Matters

“We’re all good people here.”

Luke’s rule sounds small, but it says a lot. How you act when there’s nothing to gain shows your character. Anyone can be charming when they’re into someone. Being decent when you’re not — that’s maturity.

The same principle applies to everything else in your twenties. From work to dating to friendships, showing up with respect even when it’s not exciting builds your reputation fast. For a deeper dive, check out Why Your Friends Matter More Than You Think.

The Bottom Line

Luke’s right. “If you ask somebody on a first date, like I think it’s just, you kind of owe them that time... if it’s not going well, like suck it up.”

It’s not about forcing chemistry. It’s about showing basic decency.

Everyone has bad dates. What separates the decent people from the jerks is how they act when there’s nothing to gain from being kind.

Dating isn’t just about finding someone. It’s about showing who you are while you do.

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