How to Handle a Bad First Date Without Being an Asshole

"If you ask somebody on a first date, like I think it's just, you kind of owe them that time."

Luke's rule about bad dates is simple but important: if you invited someone out, you have a responsibility to see it through respectfully, even when it becomes clear there's no romantic future. His approach reveals something crucial about character and basic human decency in dating.

The Standard Time Commitment

What You Actually Owe

"If it's not going well, like suck it up... Don't be an asshole and just leave or something. Don't make something up."

Luke's philosophy is straightforward: an hour to an hour and a half is the baseline commitment for any first date you've initiated.

This isn't about leading anyone on or pretending there's potential when there isn't. It's about basic courtesy and recognizing that the other person:

• Took time out of their schedule to meet you

• Probably got ready and made an effort for the date

• Had expectations based on your invitation

• Deserves basic respect regardless of romantic compatibility

Why This Matters

When you stick out a date that isn't going well, you demonstrate:

• Reliability and follow-through on commitments

• Empathy for the other person's experience

• Maturity in handling uncomfortable situations

• Character that extends beyond just romantic interests

Luke's Bad Date Experiences

The Nervous Talker

"She just like kept talking over me, like asking me a question I'd start to answer and then we just like start talking. Like I just, could not talk and it felt like nervous to me... I kind of just gave up. Like I was just drinking my wine and like letting her talk."

Luke recognized this was likely nerves, not malicious behavior: "I think she was just nervous. She was the year below us. So I wouldn't be surprised if it was one of her first dates in the city."

Despite the frustration of not being able to contribute to conversation, he stayed for the full duration and treated her respectfully.

The Disaster Date

Luke's worst date involved someone who had recently gotten out of a relationship and spent the evening crying about her ex while ordering expensive wine without consulting him. Even in this extreme situation, he didn't abandon the date or make excuses to leave early.

Instead, he "finished the bottle of wine" and walked her home, maintaining basic courtesy despite the terrible experience.

How to Exit Gracefully

During the Date

Even when a date is going poorly, Luke maintains basic politeness:

• Stay present rather than checking your phone or being obviously disengaged

• Continue participating in conversation even if it's not flowing well

• Remain polite to service staff and your date

• Don't make it obvious that you're not having a good time

The Natural Conclusion

"I did it by finishing the bottle of wine... The waiter came back, was like, can we get the check?"

Luke lets dates reach their natural conclusion rather than abruptly cutting them short. This means:

• Finishing your drinks or meal at a reasonable pace

• Allowing conversation to wind down naturally

• Signaling closure through normal social cues (asking for the check)

• Not rushing to escape the situation

The Respectful Send-Off

"I'll give him a hug. Great meeting you... get home safe or like, have a great rest of your night or if anything happened on the date, like if they told you about something at work tomorrow, like that's something good luck on this."

Even after bad dates, Luke maintains courtesy:

• Appropriate physical contact (a hug, not avoiding all contact)

• Polite closing remarks that acknowledge the time spent together

• Genuine well-wishes for their evening or upcoming events

• Reference specific details from conversation to show you were listening

What Not to Say

Avoid False Promises

"I go back and forth on this, like saying like, let's do something again soon because especially if you know you're not going to do something, like I think it's fine to just say like, it great meeting you."

Luke's evolved approach:

• Only suggest future plans if you actually mean it

• Don't say "let's do this again" just to avoid awkwardness

• Be honest without being cruel

• Focus on the present ("great meeting you") rather than fake future plans

Don't Make Obvious Excuses

"Don't make something up... just, it's not, yeah, I don't know."

After giving the date appropriate time, it's acceptable to use standard social exits ("I have to get up early tomorrow"), but don't create elaborate lies or obviously fake emergencies.

The Boundaries of Politeness

When It's Okay to Leave Early

Luke's "owe them the time" rule has reasonable boundaries. It's acceptable to leave earlier if:

• The date becomes inappropriate or makes you genuinely uncomfortable

• There's disrespectful behavior toward you or service staff

• Safety concerns arise

• The person is obviously intoxicated or behaving erratically

After You've Done Your Time

"I think if you've done the hour, hour and a half long of first date, then I think you can, I mean, yeah, then from there you can make up any excuse to go home."

Once you've fulfilled the basic time commitment, standard social exits become acceptable:

• "I should head home, I have an early morning"

• "This was great, but I should get going"

• "I promised I'd check in with my roommate tonight"

The Character Test

What This Reveals About You

How you handle bad dates says more about your character than how you handle good ones. When you stick out an uncomfortable situation with grace, you demonstrate:

• Emotional regulation under stress

• Consideration for others' feelings

• Reliability in social commitments

• Maturity in handling disappointment

The Golden Rule Application

"We're all good people here."

Luke's approach is essentially the Golden Rule applied to dating: treat others the way you'd want to be treated if roles were reversed. If someone asked you out and then obviously couldn't wait to escape, you'd feel disrespected and hurt.

Building Your Bad Date Strategy

Before the Date

• Choose venues with natural time limits (coffee, lunch, drinks vs. dinner)

• Set realistic expectations about timing and commitment

• Have a general exit strategy that doesn't require elaborate lies

During a Bad Date

• Focus on being a decent human rather than a potential romantic partner

• Practice social skills even in uncomfortable situations

• Look for opportunities to learn something about yourself or others

• Maintain basic courtesy regardless of attraction level

After the Date

• Be honest but kind in your closing remarks

• Don't make promises you won't keep

• Treat the experience as practice for social situations

• Learn from what went wrong without blaming the other person

The Long-Term Perspective

Building Your Reputation

In dating communities (especially in smaller cities or social circles), your reputation matters. Word gets around about how people behave on dates, and being known as someone who:

• Respects people's time

• Handles rejection gracefully

• Maintains basic courtesy

• Doesn't ghost or disappear

...will serve you well in future dating situations.

Developing Social Skills

Every bad date is an opportunity to practice:

• Conversation skills in difficult situations

• Emotional regulation under stress

• Conflict avoidance and de-escalation

• Grace under pressure

These skills transfer to all areas of life, not just dating.

The Bottom Line

Luke's approach to bad dates reflects a simple truth: how you treat people when you don't need anything from them reveals your true character.

"If you ask somebody on a first date, like I think it's just, you kind of owe them that time... if it's not going well, like suck it up."

This isn't about being a martyr or suffering through terrible experiences indefinitely. It's about recognizing that basic human decency includes honoring the social commitments you make, even when they don't work out as hoped.

The person across from you took time out of their life to meet you. They deserve an hour of respectful attention, regardless of whether you'll see them again. And you'll likely find that practicing grace in difficult situations makes you a better person overall.

Remember: everyone has bad dates. What separates decent people from jerks is how they handle those situations when no one is watching and there's nothing to gain from being kind.

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