How to Handle a Bad First Date

Bad dates happen.

The chemistry isn’t there. The conversation stalls. You know ten minutes in this isn’t your person.

But there’s a difference between a bad date and bad behavior.

Luke’s rule is simple: if you invited them, you stay for the time you owe.

“If you ask somebody on a first date, like I think it’s just, you kind of owe them that time.”

Not because you owe romance.
Because you owe respect.

If you struggle with early-date uncertainty in general, How Do I Know If a Date Is Actually Happening? breaks down how to read effort without panicking.

The One-Hour Rule

Here’s the standard Luke lives by:

“If it’s not going well, like suck it up… Don’t be an asshole and just leave or something. Don’t make something up.”

An hour to an hour and a half.

That’s it.

They got ready.
They showed up.
They carved time out of their life.

The least you can do is give the date a real chance before deciding it’s not for you.

This isn’t about forcing chemistry.
It’s about basic decency.

According to The Emily Post Institute, leaving abruptly without cause is one of the most common social etiquette violations on dates because it signals disrespect, not honesty.

What a Bad Date Actually Looks Like

Luke’s been on plenty.

“She just like kept talking over me. She’d ask a question, I’d start answering, and then she’d just keep talking.”

It was awkward.
Unbalanced.
Uncomfortable.

But instead of bailing, Luke clocked what was really happening.

“I think she was just nervous.”

That perspective matters.

Sometimes a bad date isn’t bad intentions.
It’s nerves.
Inexperience.
Someone trying too hard.

You don’t have to like it.
You just have to handle it well.

If you tend to overthink these moments afterward, How To End A First Date Respectfully? explains why your brain spirals and how to stop it.

The Disaster Date Test

The worst ones test your character.

Luke tells a story about a date where:

• She cried about her ex

• Ordered another bottle of wine knowing he was paying

• Turned the night into an emotional spiral

“The waiter came over and asked if we wanted another bottle… I was going to say no, but she said yes. And I’m paying.”

Did he storm out?
No.

He stayed polite.
Finished the bottle.
Walked her home.

That’s not weakness.
That’s emotional control.

Psychologists at Psychology Today note that emotional regulation in uncomfortable social situations is a stronger predictor of long-term relationship success than initial attraction.

How to Handle a Bad Date Without Being a Jerk

If you know it’s not going anywhere:

• Stay present

• Keep your phone away

• Be polite to staff

• Hold normal conversation

• Let the night end naturally

No dramatic exits.
No fake emergencies.

Luke puts it simply.

“The waiter came back and was like, can we get the check?”

That’s your cue.

What to Say at the End (And What Not To)

This part matters more than people realize.

“I go back and forth on saying ‘let’s do something again’ if you know you’re not going to.”

Translation: don’t lie to be polite.

You don’t need a breakup speech.
You don’t need future promises.

Just say:

“Great meeting you.”
“Get home safe.”
“Have a good night.”

That’s enough.

Kind.
Clear.
Honest.

If you struggle with post-date communication, First Texts, Falling Fast, and the Little Things: Dear Guyset lays out what clarity actually looks like.

When It’s Actually Okay to Leave Early

Luke’s rule has boundaries.

You can leave if:

• The situation feels unsafe

• You’re being disrespected

• Someone crosses a clear line

Otherwise, give it the hour.

After that?

“I think if you’ve done the hour, hour and a half… then you can wrap it up.”

Gracefully.

Why This Rule Matters More Than Dating

“We’re all good people here.”

How you act when there’s nothing to gain says everything about you.

Anyone can be charming when they’re interested.
Character shows up when they’re not.

The way you handle bad dates is the same way you handle:

• Awkward work situations

• Difficult conversations

• People you don’t benefit from

Decency compounds.

The Bottom Line

“If you ask somebody on a first date, you kind of owe them that time.”

You don’t owe chemistry.
You don’t owe attraction.
You don’t owe a second date.

But you do owe respect.

Everyone goes on bad dates.
What separates good guys from jerks is how they act when it’s uncomfortable.

Dating isn’t just about finding someone.
It’s about showing who you are while you do.

Frequently Asked Questions

How long should you stay on a bad first date?
About one hour to an hour and a half is a respectful minimum if you initiated the date.

Is it rude to leave a date early?
Yes, unless the situation feels unsafe or disrespectful. Otherwise, stay for the agreed-upon time.

Should you say you want to see them again if you don’t?
No. Keep it kind but honest. “It was great meeting you” is enough.

What if the date is really awkward?
Awkward doesn’t mean disrespectful. Stay polite, present, and let it end naturally.

What does handling a bad date well say about you?
It shows maturity, emotional control, and character traits that matter far beyond dating.