How to Actually Deal with a Breakup: The Only Thing That Really Works

Breakups hit different when it’s your first real one. You’re not just losing a person, you’re losing routine, attention, comfort, and a version of yourself that existed with them.

Luke’s been there. He calls it cliché, but he’s right. The only thing that actually heals a breakup is time.

“It’s so cliché... but it’s the most true thing ever.”

“The only thing that heals the pain of a breakup is time. Like literally that’s the only thing.”

It’s not the quote you want to hear when you’re hurting, but it’s the only one that holds up. No playlist, no trip, no hook-up fixes the hole. Time dulls the pain. Time gives perspective. Time lets you rebuild.

If you’re struggling to slow your mind down, read How to Stop Overthinking After a Breakup.

The Breakup That Changed Everything

Luke’s hardest breakup happened back in high school.

“I didn’t have like the closest knit group of friends in high school... Just didn’t really have that core group.”

That made it worse. When the relationship ended, so did the structure around his life. He realized something that most people learn too late.

“That’s never a good recipe to go into a relationship with if you don’t have like that core group.”

Translation: if you build your world around one person, you lose it all when they leave.

If that hits home, start here: Why Your Friends Matter More Than You Think.

The Only Thing You Can Actually Control

After any breakup, the question becomes how do I fix this? Luke’s answer isn’t glamorous, but it’s real. Reflection.

“You need to do some retrospection on what went wrong. What did you do wrong. Because every relationship anyone’s ever been in both people have done something.”

That’s what using time looks like. Not wallowing. Not ignoring. Reviewing.

What patterns kept showing up? What do you want to do differently? How do you show up next time with more clarity and less chaos?

Learning What Fits

“I think that the most you learn things about who you’re compatible with... These were the parts that I liked about it. This is what I need out of a partner... you find what’s compatible with you and what isn’t.”

Every breakup is data. You learn what felt good, what didn’t, and what your deal-breakers actually are. That’s not failure. That’s progress.

Filling the Void

The hardest part isn’t missing them. It’s missing the routine.

“I spent so much of my time talking to this person and like having this person in my life. Like how do I fill that time? Cause it’s like, it’s like a void there.”

That’s the danger zone. That’s where people spiral.

Luke’s answer is simple. Move your body.

“I think whether it’s like... the gym is a great one or like going for runs... I think that’s a great way because it’s two birds, stone. You’re doing something that’s benefiting you and you’re also not...”

Physical effort resets your mind. It gives structure back to your day and keeps you from chasing quick fixes.

Need direction? Try The Gym Routine That Rebuilds Confidence.

The Reset Phase

“I think it’s a good time to just think about what you’re passionate about. What can you improve about yourself, whether it’s the way you approach relationships or just in general.”

This is where you rebuild. You don’t need a new partner. You need momentum.
Start small. Lift heavier. Read more. Cook something new. Reconnect with your friends.

If you’re not sure where to start, check out How to Build Your Inner Circle.

The breakup doesn’t define you. How you use the time after it does.

“I learned so much about myself...”

“I learned so much about myself... any like time you spent with somebody, like whether it’s like a year, six months, like you always learn something about yourself from it.”

That’s the point. Every relationship teaches you something about who you are, what you want, and what you’re not willing to repeat.

The Bottom Line

Luke’s right.

“The only thing that heals the pain of a breakup is time. Like literally that’s the only thing.”

There’s no hack. There’s no timeline. You can’t rush it.

But time doesn’t mean doing nothing. It means showing up for yourself until the pain starts to fade. And it will.

The right people, the right energy, the right peace — they all show up once you stop trying to speed-run healing.

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