7 Lessons I Learned About Confidence From One Awkward Hello

Seven Confidence Lessons From One Painfully Awkward Hello

It was supposed to be simple.

Walk up. Say hi. Sound normal.

Instead, it turned into a slow-motion car crash of nerves, silence, and small talk that never really went anywhere. The kind of interaction you replay later, wondering how something so small managed to feel so uncomfortable.

But that one awkward introduction ended up teaching me more about confidence than a hundred smooth conversations ever could.

Here’s what actually stuck.

The Decision Is the Hardest Part

The anxiety didn’t start when I walked over. It started long before that.

“I was asking everybody I was with, should I go up and say hi? Should I not?”

That back-and-forth is familiar to anyone who’s ever overthought an introduction. You stand there negotiating with yourself, waiting to feel ready, waiting for the nerves to calm down.

They don’t.

Confidence doesn’t begin when you open your mouth. It begins the moment you decide to move instead of think. That decision is the real leap, and it’s usually the part that takes the most energy.

This is the same mental loop I break down in How To Stop Overthinking Everything, where hesitation feels like protection but actually keeps you stuck.

Once you make the decision, everything else is just details.

Psychologically, this lines up with what researchers call action bias. According to research summarized by Harvard Business Review, taking action, even imperfect action, reduces anxiety more effectively than continued deliberation.

Preparation Isn’t Fake. It’s Relief.

One of the reasons that hello went sideways is because I didn’t give myself anything to fall back on.

“If I had a little bit more of a fallback or something really prepared, maybe that would have helped me.”

You don’t need a script. You don’t need a perfect opener. You just need one clear starting point you can return to when nerves hit.

Something simple. Something honest. Something you don’t have to think about.

Confidence isn’t charisma. It’s clarity.

This is the same principle behind How To Act Confident When You Don’t Feel It. Structure frees you. It lowers the cognitive load so you can actually be present.

Research from Psychology Today shows that social anxiety increases when people monitor themselves too closely instead of focusing outward. Having a simple anchor keeps you out of your head.

Awkward Means You Showed Up

It’s easy to walk away from an awkward interaction and tell yourself it was a failure.

It wasn’t.

“I really am happy I did that because I now learned that I have a lot to improve on in terms of introducing myself.”

You don’t learn from the moments you avoid. You learn from the ones that don’t go perfectly and still don’t end you.

If it felt awkward, that means you tried. And trying is how confidence actually gets built.

Studies on exposure therapy consistently show that repeated, imperfect exposure is how confidence grows. Avoidance makes anxiety stronger. Engagement weakens it over time.

People Remember Energy, Not Execution

In the middle of that conversation, I could feel myself fumbling.

“I just kept picking up the ball and dropping it again and again.”

But here’s the thing. Most people don’t remember your exact words. They remember how it felt to talk to you.

Were you present. Were you genuine. Were you open.

You can stumble through a conversation and still leave a good impression if your energy is real. Confidence in real life doesn’t look like flawless delivery. It looks like showing up honestly, even when you’re a little uncomfortable.

This mirrors what social psychologists call the warmth-competence tradeoff. Research cited by Harvard Business Review shows people consistently value warmth and authenticity over polished performance in first impressions.

Confidence Includes a Next Step

One of the reasons the interaction felt unfinished is because I didn’t give it direction.

“I wanted to at least say I’d love to stay in touch or get your contact, but I just didn’t.”

Saying hi is only part of it. Confidence also shows up in what you do next.

Ending a conversation with intention changes how the entire moment lands. A simple “It was great meeting you, I’d love to stay in touch” gives the interaction shape instead of letting it fade out.

You don’t need a big ask. You just need a next move.

This is something I learned the hard way and later unpacked more directly in Ruin the Friendship, where hesitation often costs you the connection more than rejection ever would.

The Real Skill Is Recovery

You are going to mess up. That’s unavoidable.

“Confidence isn’t built in your wins. It’s built in the recoveries.”

The skill isn’t avoiding awkward moments. It’s bouncing back from them without letting one interaction define you.

Laugh it off. Take the lesson. Move on.

Every uncomfortable hello builds the muscle for a better one later.

Trying Beats Wondering Every Time

This is the part that matters most.

“It’s never better to stay wondering. I’d always rather at least try and then build from there.”

Inaction feels safer in the moment, but it lingers longer. Wondering what could have happened sticks with you far more than an imperfect attempt.

Confidence is choosing awkward over invisible. Trying over wondering. Speaking up over staying quiet.

The next time you’re standing across the room debating whether to say hi, go anyway.

Worst case, it becomes a story.
Best case, it becomes a connection.

The Quiet Takeaway

Confidence isn’t something you wake up with one day.

It’s something you build by acting before you feel ready.

Every awkward introduction is practice. Every small risk is a rep. Every “hi” you say anyway is proof that you’re becoming someone who moves instead of freezes.

And that’s what confidence actually looks like.

FAQ: Confidence, Overthinking, and Introductions

Why do I overthink saying hi so much?
Because your brain treats social moments like they’re high-stakes. “I was asking everybody I was with, should I go up and say hi?” Overthinking is usually fear of outcome, not lack of ability.

How do I stop psyching myself out before introductions?
Decide before you think. Confidence starts “when you decide to move instead of think,” not when the nerves go away.

Do I need a perfect opener to sound confident?
No. “If I had a little bit more of a fallback or something really prepared, maybe that would have helped me.” One simple line is enough.

What if the interaction is awkward?
That means you tried. “Confidence isn’t built in your wins. It’s built in the recoveries.”

Is it better to stay quiet if I’m unsure?
No. “It’s never better to stay wondering. I’d always rather at least try and then build from there.”