Feeling Lost in your Early 20s
You just graduated, you moved to a new city, possibly away from friends, maybe in with new friends, you started a new job, have all new coworkers, may be single, dating, in a relationship, casually hooking up, or none of this at all.
Once we graduate everyone starts on their own different path. All at a super different pace, at very different times. Some people start their jobs right after graduation, some people take time and travel, some stay home and enjoy the nothingness. Some people are still looking for a job, slowly or desperately.
Some people are happy in their job, with their work, with their coworkers. Immediately start to feel a sense of accomplishment and happiness. Some people are super unhappy with their current state, don’t feel like their job is right at all, don’t like what they are doing, don’t like their coworkers, don’t feel like they are moving towards their goals at all.
Some people are dating, some people are in happy long relationships, some people are on hinge, tinder, bumble, some people are not on the apps at all, single, not ready to mingle, and still trying to find themselves. Some people are going out to bars looking for casual hook ups, not caring if it becomes something else, and some people are going out every week looking to make a connection.
Some people are happy with where they are living whether it be home, a new city, a new apartment, with friends, alone, or some people are completely unhappy with their living situation and can’t wait until their lease is up to get out, or have enough money to move out.
Whatever combination of categories you fit into from this list, someone else is feeling that exact way too.
I realized recently that more of my friends are in relationships than I thought. This kinda put me in a weird headspace. I’m not saying it’s bad that I’m not, I’m super young, 22 to be exact, but it’s hard not to compare sometimes. It’s easy to fall down the hole of “everyone’s got in all together more than me” when in reality everyone’s on their own path and it truly doesn’t matter if someone is in a different place then you.
I really love the quote “comparison is the thief of joy” from Theodore Roosevelt and I do believe it. But that doesn’t mean we don’t fall into the trap of comparing ourselves. I recently read The Defining Decade which got me thinking about all of this.
In the stage of life that we are in it’s easy to look at others and think, damn they are doing better than me. They have it all together. They know what they’re doing. They are making more money than me. They are having more sex than me. They are going out more. They are stronger. They are setting themselves up better to become successful. All the thoughts that run through your head when you fall down the comparison trap.
It’s hard not to do this. And that’s where I’m at right now. I’m not happy about it, but it’s honest.
I’m really happy with where I’m at with my job and with my living situation, with my friends, my family, my roommates, but I wish I had a girlfriend.
The list of things I’m happy about is long, but that doesn’t help the fact that there’s still a list of things I’m not happy about.
This is starting to feel like a journal entry I write to myself and maybe that’s alright.
If all this post does is show a reader that someone else is also feeling a similar way to them, then I did what I wanted.
I wrote this with a purpose and it’s for others to see that we’re all out here not happy about something, comparing ourselves to someone, and striving for what we don’t currently have.
There is no real conclusion to this post. This was just how I was feeling and I wanted to share it with you.
I’m not going to end this with some psychological term for a growth mindset or a big statement that it’s all going to be okay.
Look, I know it will. But sometimes you gotta let yourself feel the way you’re feeling to get back out of it. Never for too long, but for a little. I tell myself to stop throwing the pity party, no one wants to attend. Everyone is at different stages, be happy for where people are.
And be happy for where you are, and where you are not, it’s all for a reason.